When your child is scaling new heights of naughtiness, you'll turn to any source—the blogosphere, that book your cubicle friend recommended, even your judgy in-laws—for help. The problem is, a lot of the conventional wisdom about disciplining kids is spotty or just plain wrong, says Alan Kazdin, Ph.D., a professor of psychology and child psychiatry at Yale and director of the Yale Parenting Center and Child Conduct Clinic. In his new book, The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child (Houghton Mifflin), he shares strategies gleaned from his work with thousands of patients. "Much of the advice in parenting books—like 'Ask your child why she's angry' or 'Use a monster time-out if a shorter one isn't working'—is analogous to giving parents a fishing rod with no hook," says Kazdin, who is also the 2008 president of the American Psychological Association. "It may make them feel better, but it won't work." Here, he tells us precisely what will.

Q: What's the most important lesson parents can take from your book?

A: It's a change in mind-set. As parents, we tend to be experts in what we want kids not to do, but I try to get parents to shift their attention to what they do want their kids to do, and to reinforce that behavior. In the book, I refer to it as "catching children being good." For example, say, "You went to bed right away when I asked, and that's wonderful," or even, "Look how that child helped that person pick up his napkin. Isn't that nice?" It's more effective to practice and praise positive behavior than to try to wipe out negative behavior.

Q: How should you praise good behavior?

A: Be enthusiastic, label exactly what the behavior was, and do something nonverbal, like touching your child on the shoulder. Say, "Look at how nicely you and your sister are playing, with soft voices. That's really great." Don't add, "Why can't you do this all the time?" Tacking on a negative criticism at the end—I call it "caboosing"—cancels the reinforcement of the good behavior.

Next Page:  The Kazdin Method