Changing the Rules
Take a look at most American families that dine together and you'll see lots of adaptations to the tradition. Kasia Chodyla, a biologist in Tallahassee, Florida, pushes dinner as late as 8 p.m. so everyone can be present. Wiley and Malcolm Turner, ages 6 and 4, who eat with their babysitter in Brooklyn, have a "second dinner" (more like a sit-down snack) when their parents get home from work (click here for full testimonial). To make the weekly dinner grind less daunting, Jill Geyer of Winston-Salem, North Carolina, enlists each of her three daughters, ages 7, 9, and 11, to help cook one dinner a week.
The Microwave Did It
Tweaking the tradition is fine. Forgoing it completely is not—and that, Weinstein explains, is exactly what started happening over the course of the last generation, when many of us became too busy for our own good. Some would argue, though, that dinner was doomed even earlier. By the time the foil was peeled back from the first TV dinner in 1953, "the reigning value in the modern kitchen was convenience, not coziness, or even apple pie," writes Laura Shapiro in Perfection Salad. Fast-forward from Hamburger Helper to Lean Cuisine and it's no wonder boomers and Gen Xers have a reputation for getting lost in their own kitchens.
Geared toward professional—and not necessarily domestic—success, we grew up channeling the extra time granted by kitchen conveniences not into our family lives, but into extracurriculars and work. And so, in many households, dinner gradually devolved into quick meals at the kitchen island, in cars to and from activities, and, in extreme cases, alone in front of the TV or computer.
"I don't know anyone who eats together with their family during the week, and I live in the burbs!" says Barb Burg Schieffelin, a publishing executive from Irvington, New York. She and her husband don't get home until after their kids, ages 9 and 11, have eaten. But on Fridays, the family celebrates Schieffelin Shabbat, a candlelit take-out feast that's a modern-day twist on her fond memories of before-temple meals.
Is It Chicken or Egg?
It bears mentioning that the positive effect of family dinner is a bit of a chicken-or-egg issue: Are kids better off simply because they're eating with their parents? Or are there other forces at play in the lives of families who make eating together a priority? "Families that sit down together for dinner have a greater likelihood of being more involved with their children in general," says Beth Le Poire, Ph.D., the author of a textbook on familial communication. In other words, they head potential problems off at the pass. There's also the routine of dinner itself: "Rituals provide stability and structure for children's lives," she says. "Children do better when they know what to expect."
Next Page: More dinner strategies, from embracing nutritious fast food to easing up on the extracurriculars
