Long before we grew up and had babies, food was a charged subject between me and Emma (her name and some details have been changed). We'd been friends, on and off, since the days of horseback riding together as teenagers; back then, I weighed a buck and change no matter how much I ate—and Em, tall and sturdy, was always on a diet (or rebounding from one). I was her voice of reason when it came to all things dietary: I'd tell her how good she looked when she wasn't restricting herself to 1,000 calories a day, and steer her away from the Doritos when she was depressed.
We both moved to New York City in our 20s, which is when Em (not of meager means) discovered $90-a-month gyms, Nobu sashimi, and Prada pencil skirts—and became thin. Really thin. She looked stunning but seemed lonely in her alternate-body-image universe. I got the feeling that she wished I were as hung up about my weight and diet as she was. But those were her issues, not mine. I held my ground by eating and exercising like a normal person, and dropping hints about how healthy this made me feel. Then I sucked in my stomach whenever I stood next to her at a party.
When Emma e-mailed to tell me she was pregnant, we hadn't talked in a few months—since I'd called to tell her I was pregnant, actually. We decided to get together for dinner, just the two of us, to celebrate our good news. The first thing Emma said to me when I got to the restaurant was "Let's order—I'm starving." This was a change: We were hungry together! Just then, a waiter brought some bread, olive oil, and a tiny plate of happiness: paper-thin rounds of salami and glistening brown olives. I was reaching for the plate when Emma softly batted my hand. "No! Your doctor didn't tell you about listeria?" she asked with horror.
Come to think of it, my doctor had mentioned it, somewhat offhandedly, and I'd written off the warning with my favorite justification: "But the French do it." Still, quite unlike a Frenchwoman, I surrendered the saucisson. "Thanks," I said wistfully.
Next Page: A full-access friendship?
