New Ways to Build Families

Lesbian partners having simultaneous pregnancies isn't common, but it isn't unheard of, says Terry Boggis, the director of family planning at New York City's Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Community Center. "It's definitely an exception, rather than a rule," she says.

Boggis has worked with LGBT families for nearly two decades. Lesbian partners who both try to conceive at the same time are rare, she says, but as the use of medical reproductive technologies have become more accessible, LGBT families have become more willing to look to creative and unique ways of growing their families.

"I think simultaneous pregnancies, when they are planned, come out of a longing to share in building a family," says Boggis. "There is a kind of fundamental sorrow in being a lesbian couple and not being able to have a child who is a biological product of both of you. I think women grieve that on some level they want to be equal in this—they want to each have as much of themselves in this baby. So I think things like carrying each other's eggs or simultaneous pregnancies is one way to do that."

In addition to simultaneous pregnancy, reciprocal IVF—where one partner carries the donated embryo from the second partner—has become an option for lesbian families over the past five years. Unlike the egg-donation process—which is more common and typically performed when one partner does not have viable embryos—reciprocal IVF is completely elective and done independently of any fertility issues, says Samuel Pang, M.D., of the Reproductive Science Center of New England. In reciprocal IVF, both partners have viable embryos.

Celebrity chef Cat Cora of the Food Network built her family through both egg donation and had simultaneous pregnancies with her partner, Jennifer Cora. Cat conceived a baby boy with Jennifer's egg and is due later this summer. Jennifer gave birth to another boy in early April, who was conceived after one of Jennifer's and one of Cat's eggs were implanted. They do not know who the biological mother is.

For couples in which only one partner has a strong desire to be pregnant, reciprocal IVF has allowed lesbian families to share in creating a child.

Last fall Marina and Jennifer Novoa welcomed a son, Oliver, who was conceived through reciprocal IVF. Marina's egg was fertilized and implanted in Jennifer, who first heard about couples using each other's eggs to build a family on the One in Ten radio program for the gay and lesbian community in Boston.

"The hospital allowed both partners to go on the birth certificate. It was automatic," she says. "That really resounded with me. It sounded special and spectacular, and I always had it in the back of my mind, from the time that I heard that on the radio. What a beautiful way for both partners to share in the birthing process, where we are not able to mingle the eggs."

At between $15,000 and $20,000 a cycle, according to Dr. Pang, reciprocal IVF is expensive. Since it is an elective procedure, it's not covered by insurance, and just isn't an option for most couples, he adds.

Marina and Jennifer were fortunate. Marina's family was supportive and helped pay for the procedure.

"I can't imagine doing it another way. I recommend [reciprocal IVF] strongly to my friends considering having children," says Jennifer. "I just feel like the three of us were so involved since the beginning. We both went through the medical procedure to create him. I carried our baby, and Marina helped coach him out of me. He looks just like Marina, and I breastfeed him every night. There is absolutely no compromise as to how bonded we are."

Boggis notes that simultaneous pregnancies, egg donation, and reciprocal IVF might not be common or practical methods for having children because of the high cost and medically invasive nature of the procedures. However, she says that what she finds interesting is how open lesbian couples have become in finding new ways to build their families.

"We have choices and options now," Boggis says. "I have learned that how people create their families is a profoundly intimate, complex set of decisions and circumstances. But I love how we're willing to grapple with it and consider the possibilities and to struggle through it."