Possessed of strong opinions and loud voices but apparently devoid of tact or manners, they fling zingers at one another without realizing it. They brag, insult one another, and seem oblivious to the way-too-honest doozies that spill from their lips. I'm not talking about kids here; I'm talking about their mothers. Because sometimes we're the ones who should be seen but not heard.
When it comes to mom-to-mom nuggets in the Working Mom (WM) and Stay-at-Home Mom (SAHM) war, each side seems especially prone both to giving and taking offense. Both camps might want to try harder to put the pump on the other foot. For example, when you see a fellow mom about to impale her spawn with a stick, don't tell her, "Every day is a gift." (Remember, the real daily gift is a nanny, something you've got and she may not.) And SAHMs, when the WM makes her annual Columbus Day appearance at the playground, please don't greet her with the snarky comment, "Look who's here!"
And SAHMs should stop putting down their camp's underperformers. When Slacker SAHM (the one who is still in her robe, furtively reading e-mails as her child shouts for her from the potty) finally chucks it all and gets a job, Über-SAHM (the type who made flax muffins for all three kids and prepped the craft table for the day's first activity all before 9 a.m.) should not say, "You've always struck me as the kind of mom who is better off working." Really? Chances are Slacker SAHM knows that and doesn't need it reiterated by a woman who's sewing sock monkeys at the crack of dawn.
Then there's Braggy Mom with her clichéd clunkers. We've heard her garden-variety smug standards again and again, yet some of us just don't get it. Mom details Chase's unusual creativity; Isabella's prescient wisdom ("she's an old soul"); Reilly's atypical capacity for compassion in one so young. Please zip it, Braggy Mom! And if you can't, I hope your mother-in-law counterbalances your self-satisfied vibe with a classic "Reilly should be sitting up by now," or "You're still feeding Chase at night?"
Some comments simply defy categorization in their idiocy and cruelty. One mom proudly told me she has taught her toddler to ask "every time anyone offers him food: 'Is it organic?'" Another asked a woman who had miscarried, "Did you overexercise?"
Like all moms, I hate receiving advice but adore dispensing it. So, here's more. Next time a mom compliments you on your pretty baby, just thank her, or find something nice to say about her unremarkable newborn. Whatever you do, don't reply, "Yup, we're really blessed" (addressed in goopy voice to your baby, no less). And then there's the moment you may feel tempted to embellish the words of young Owen's pediatrician. "[Hands-down the most extraordinarily] verbal 2-year-old [ever to cross the threshold of this medical office.]" Stop yourself before you go that far, and do something that differentiates you from your child: Think twice.
