Ladies, we have the dishwasher and Germaine Greer, but where is the liberation? Every mother I know is ensnared in managing the household, the children, and the father of the children. What the endless scheduling and purchasing don't provide in self-actualization, they also fail to supply in mental stimulation. Mrs. Young possesses a master of science degree (as well as a naturally pert backside), yet these days I can hardly summon the mental equipoise required for even simple domestic decision-making.
Ideally, sex should offer some relief from this relentless business of the everyday, provide an activity that engages the body while keeping the brain pleasantly distracted. But after you've spent a presidential term or three in bed with the same man, the familiar moves may have lost some of their befuddling power. This brings me to our question:
Q My fantasies are very exciting—not so much my actual sex life. How do I move the action out of my head and into the bed?
A As much as Mrs. Young wants the mothers of America to get what every slutty schoolgirl deserves, let's start with less elaborate measures: Keep your fantasies to yourself, but think about them while having sex with your partner. This is most effective if you stimulate yourself at the same time. According to a comprehensive 1994 study, The Social Organization of Sexuality: Sexual Practices in the United States (University of Chicago Press), 45 percent of women living with a sexual partner masturbated in the previous year. I'm counting on all of you to drive those numbers up.
Adding self-stimulation to the marital repertoire serves a multitude of ends. The pressure is off your man to satisfy you, meaning he's happier and you have less opportunity to be disappointed. Plus, he gets the pleasure of watching you—something the gentlemen seem to universally enjoy. Of course, you get to take advantage of your specialized knowledge. Awkwardness will be minimized if you can integrate the masturbatory act into your usual intercourse. I'd recommend something flattering, like "You feel so good, it makes me want to touch myself."
Verbalizing your fantasies is more challenging, particularly if you're not in the habit of talking explicitly about your sex life. Liquor can help, as can the heat of the moment. There may be enlightened couples who explore their sexual issues over brunch, but I suspect you'll have a more receptive audience if you wait until there's already an erection on the scene. Also, you're going to feel goofy enough, so this is no time to propose anything that requires costuming or batteries. Focus on introducing the emotional trigger that makes your fantasies exciting—anonymity, voyeurism, force, whatever—rather than any particular scenario. If you slip his hand over your eyes tonight, you can work up to the blindfold later. And if you think he'd be willing to share, ask the husband what you can do for him. Mr. Young invariably asks that I wax the car, but there are limits to what I will undertake in the nude.
