There was a time, dear readers, when frank talk with my lady friends was commonplace. Boyfriend's penis shaped like a shiitake mushroom? Orgy at the Marxist housing co-op? A bit of gonorrhea? I would get the whole scoop.
Then we settled down with the fathers of our children, and the details slowed to a trickle. Age made us respectful, or at least circumspect: not a good idea to share too much intimate information about the guys we're going to be playing Uno with for the next several decades, barring divorce or early demise....
Now that the womenfolk (friends and otherwise) know I'm a sexpert for hire, however, they've taken to outsourcing their sensual self-improvement projects. I'm getting research requests galore, and while I haven't yet accepted challenges to explore vaginoplasty or Ben Wa balls, I did take on the special assignment detailed here:
Q: After my first baby, I didn't feel like having sex for months. It was depressing, both for me and for my husband. Now that I've had baby number two, I'm looking for some help kick starting my engine. What do you recommend in the way of pornography?
A: I confess, this is not an area where I have prior expertise. My usual viewing habits run more to Ratatouille than Asscapades. That's not to say I can't learn—after all, the whole world loves porn, Andrea Dworkin notwithstanding.
That said, I wasn't ready to expose my new interest to the hipsters at the local video shop, where I imagine even the smut is Japanese or French, or at least gloomy. Thankfully, Al Gore invented the Internet for just this purpose!
Before turning off my search filters and plunging into the deep and skanky end of the Web, I scoped out two woman-friendly online purveyors of sexual amusements. Good Vibrations, the venerable sex-toy pioneer, kindly offers a New to Watching Porn section, with a range of DVD options for the uninitiated. Besides softer-core offerings, its picks feature real-life (or at least real-life-like) couples, high production values, and an emphasis on female arousal.
Over at Babeland, newbies can peruse "How to Choose an Adult Video," a guide with suggestions for everything from woman-directed films to movies with decent music and strapping actors. If you're up for something super-straightforward, it has picks in the genre called "wall to wall" (no unwieldy plot—just humping!). And if you're looking for a bit of the hard stuff, it has recommendations for flicks that mix sex with bondage and discipline.
I also surveyed a number of video sites aimed at female users. Of the bunch, Hot Movies For Her and For The Girls were most appealing—decent art direction, lots of options, not at all creepy. But for a first foray into porn, having to sign up for an online account or buy video clips on a pay-per-minute basis felt truly untoward. And wouldn't the laptop get sticky? I opted for the privacy and control of purchasing DVDs. Tune in to next month's column for specific reviews.
