Well, my dears, I now know what it takes to get more letters: columns on pornography. Unfortunately, most of you who wrote in response to my adult-film recommendations seem to be outraged. So perhaps I should abandon my pleas for more mail.
However, in my hour of sexpert despond, it was heartening—vindicating, even—to receive the results of a recent AOL/Cookie online poll. More than 30,000 moms answered questions ranging from how often they have sex to how they get in the mood—and, as it turns out, a sizable 23 percent of respondents say porn is their favorite way to spark the home fires, topping liquor (21 percent) and fantasy play (17 percent).
What this points to, I suppose, is that parenthood doesn't turn us into a batch of identical, exhausted, sex-adverse mombots. Even though most of us (59 percent) say having kids in the house is inhibiting, we still manage to have sex once a week (19 percent) or even more often (32 percent). Plus, 77 percent of us say we would like to have sex more frequently.
The result that caused me the most worry, though, was the 18 percent who say they do it only a couple of times a year. After all, idle hands—and other body parts—are the devil's playground. Which brings us to our question:
Q: I love my husband, but I keep having fantasies about another man, someone I work with. Is this a problem?
A: It's not uncommon to think about someone other than your partner. In our poll, 58 percent report fantasizing about coworkers, other dads, or random men who have crossed their paths. I view daydreaming as a relatively harmless way to compensate for the familiarity that comes with monogamy. As lovely as our mates may be, even the best of men don't inspire continuous fevered infatuation. So go ahead, dream a little: A few indecent thoughts about your 23-year-old barista or that tall guy in shipping and receiving don't mean you're on the road to divorce court.
On the other hand, if your fantasies are more than amusing speculation—if you're among the 53 percent who've thought seriously about cheating—then you may be heading toward trouble. I must admit to considerable shock that a whopping 34 percent of our poll takers say they've had an affair since becoming a mom. These results aren't an aberration: Some larger public polls have put the infidelity rate for women as high as 50 percent.
