Silly Parenting Products
There are two types of parenting products. Some are so brilliant, so life-changing, that they evoke the question, "Why didn't I think of that?!" Then there are those that...aren't. Below, the products that didn't quite make our genius list.
By Colleen Egan
- Time-Out Mat
What it does: Touted as the portable discipline tool for on-the-go moms, the circular rubber Time-Out Mat is meant for meltdowns away from home.
Might be useful if: You're into publicly shaming your kids.
But we're afraid that: They'll remember this when it comes time to put you in a nursing home.
- Peepee Teepee
What it does: The peepee teepee prevents you from getting hit in the face with a stream of "wee-wee" while changing a baby boy's diaper.
Might be useful if: You're simultaneously changing a set of full-bladdered male quintuplets.
But we'd rather: Use a diaper. Or a towel. Or anything else not precious or cone-shaped, really.
- Potty Song
What it does: The potty song motivates your child to use the toilet by incorporating her name into the lyrics.
Might be useful if: You'd rather listen to a grating, almost-impossible-to-erase-from-your-mind song 13 times a day than cave in and buy a reward toy or treat.
But we'd rather: Stick with incessantly nagging our potty trainees to pee in the toliet.
- Wipes Warmer
What it does: Warms up wipes to a comfortable temperature before they touch your baby's bum.
Might be useful if: Babies weren't accustomed to sitting in their own poop and were thus more likely to be picky about the whole temperature thing.
But we're afraid that: The next thing our kids will want is a heated stroller.
- Potty Mitts
What it does: The disposable hand covers are intended to prevent your child from picking up any germs from touching objects in a public restroom.
Might be useful if: You're cultivating an early case of OCD.
But we'd rather: Bring on the germs—it'll toughen them up! Or, you know, use soap.
- Baby Kneepads
What they do: They protect a baby's knees from crawling-induced scrapes and bruises.
Might be useful if: The contractor's estimate for coating your entire house in foam rubber was just a bit too high.
But we'd rather: Tell them how much fun it is to pick scabs. And that chicks dig scars.
- Baby-care timer
What it does: The timer records when you last fed and changed your baby and reminds mothers which side they nursed from last.
Might be useful if: We weren't so sleep-deprived that putting on matching shoes, let alone figure out a timer, wasn't a Herculean feat.
But we'd rather: Rely on the old-fashioned alert methods—crying to let us know when babies are hungry or need a change, and sore boobs to remind us from which breast we last nursed.
- Bed-Wetting Alarm
What it does: A vibrating buzzer is activated and an alarm sounds when a magnetic sensor detects that the wearer is wetting the bed.
Might be useful if: We were so desperate to cure bed wetting that we were willing to risk inducing a fear of going to sleep.
But we'd rather: Buy rubber sheets.
