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"I fully indulged my passive-aggressive and childish impulses, adding, 'Talking to them all day sounds like way too much work. No way am I doing that!'" |
Just as I got my bearings (by realizing that I am probably doing what the article said I should be doing), my mom whipped out another zinger. She loves to talk about how my 2-year-old niece, who is three months older than my younger son, is speaking in full sentences and carrying on the the wittiest and most clever conversations. (Meanwhile, little Ben is just mastering the two-word phrase.) "I think it was her day care in Cincinnati," my mom said. "Everyone there was studying education, and they spoke to her all day long: 'Maya, we're changing your diaper now.' 'Maya's climbing!'"
I can't tell you how many times my mom has said those exact sentences to me. Ten? Twenty? Thirty? It drives me crazy, and here's why. First, because she says it as if it's a revelation each time. It's not like my mother is losing her memory. I'm pretty sure she knows she's told me already. Second, because I feel like she secretly pities Ben for being with a nanny, and not a staff of graduate students, all day. And third, because I fall into the insecurity trap every time and second-guess every parenting decision I've ever made.
Even more frustrating: I always reply with the wimpy, "Oh, boys and girls are so different." This time I fully indulged my passive-aggressive and childish impulses, adding, "Talking to them all day sounds like way too much work. No way am I doing that!" I managed to change the subject, but right after we said goodbye, my mom snuck in urgently, "Do read that article!" I hung up furious and defeated.
Well, I read it this morning, and guess what: It annoyed the hell out of me. Here's an example of health columnist Jane Brody's preachy tone:
"There were no such distractions when my husband and I, and most other parents of a certain age, spent time with our babies, toddlers and preschoolers.... We read to them and sang with them. And long before they became verbal, we mimicked their noises, letting them know they were communicating and we were listening and responding. (And we've done the same with our four grandsons, all born after the turn of this wireless century.)
I am not the only one alarmed by modern parental behavior. Randi Jacoby, a speech and language specialist in New York, recently told me in an e-mail message: "Parents have stopped having good communications with their young children, causing them to lose out on the eye contact, facial expression and overall feedback that is essential for early communication development."
I read to and talk to my boys to the point where I sometimes think we all need to relax and just be together. And frankly, when I see moms bending over strollers talking nonstop to a 3-month-old, I roll my eyes. And you know what's really funny? I don't remember my mom talking to me much when I was little! I wonder how my little sister, the third child, feels.
I, for one, feel much better about all of this now.
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