I Am Crabmommy
Once upon a time there was a woman who lived in New York City and dreamed of love, babies, and life in greener pastures. Then she found love, had a baby, and moved to a small western town, a land of green pastures...and really bad bagels.
Did having a magnificent husband, perfect tot, and slow life in a stunning setting make the woman contented? Did motherhood change her from a lazy, self-absorbed complainer into the grateful, graceful, selfless, and fulfilled person she ought to be?
Oh, please.
While my child is more gifted, more beautiful, more coordinated, more developmentally developed--basically more MIRACULOUS than yours--I'm afraid Crabmommy has not blossomed into the "Count Your Blessings and Treasure Every Moment" parent I should have become. While I thought I would transform into a radiant butterfly-being after childbirth, that just didn't happen. It's like I remained a larva. Only now the larva has a larva. If that makes any sort of sense.
Since laughter is the best Prozac, you'll find me with my tongue firmly in my cheek as I navigate momhood. I'll be poking fun at it--at other moms, at sentimental and serious mommy media, at rural mom-vibe and urban mom-vibe. And at myself. Oh yes, indeedy, the bonus of reading my blog is that it will often make you feel better about yourself as a mom. Because you probably haven't stolen money from your toddler's piggy bank.
When not posting about my badmommy ways, I'll write about moments with Crabtot that make me chuckle twixt all the misery. In such postings, I promise to hold back on words such as "amazing" "humbling," "enchanting," and "special" because other parents' joy does not fun reading make. Plus, I'd really rather be complaining. I am mother. Hear me whine.
So happy happy HAPPY to see more Mrs. Crabmommy! Thank you, Cookie Magazine. Now I will have less free time to spend with the nanny.
Dear Crabmommy,
While you may have stolen pennies from the piggy bank, I sometimes wish that the 'dingo ate my baby.'
Looking forward to reading many a rant and tale from Crabmommy.
Thank goodness for your blog. Confirms I am not the only momma madly in love AND completely annoyed by her child. Can't wait to read more.
I'm not a mommy. Heck, I'm not even a woman! And I do try not to be too crabby (albeit with highly variable degrees of success). Regardless of all these monumental setbacks, Crabmommy, I think that you... well... uh, er... I think... you ROCK!! Seriously. I greatly appreciate your insights into the CrabFamily experience and I know that I will put them to good use. Someday. And just to reiterate, YOU ROCK!!
You are not alone on this. It's refreshing to witness another mom's twisted humor and such.
I look forward to reading your stuff!