Because We Need Advice
I love to loathe a list that promises to make me a better mom. Or that promises to make my life better as a mom. I came across a good one yesterday in the sort of mag that promises to make us better, peppier, and weirder than all get-out. Here are my favorite "Success Secrets" from "10 Things Every Mom Should Know":
* How to Find a Reliable Sitter
Ask mom friends, neighbors, and your pediatrician's office for recommendations.
Really? These people will help me find a sitter? Wow! Great tip!
The article also advises asking "what if" questions during sitter interviews, e.g., "What if you have to entertain my 3-yr-old on a rainy day?" (Babysitters, if a mom asks you that question, do not mention TV in your answer.)
* How to Clean Up Throw Up
This one lists a variety of vomit solutions for mixed media -- wood, upholstery, carpet.
Let me see. Your kid pukes...and amid the chaos you...go to the computer....or scrapbook...to find that handy vomit tipsheet.
Who are you, Mom? Go away.
* How to Breastfeed Discreetly in Public
This one solicits advice from La Leche league, which promotes carefully draped fabric and slings for privacy ("The fabric will cover you so you'll look as if you're carrying a sleeping baby"). God, I sure wish I'd had this list when I was breastfeeding. I used to bare both bosoms at once...it was so embarrassing! IF ONLY I HAD KNOWN about the draping of a shawl or blanket, I wouldn't have suffered so!
* How to Tell a Great Bedtime Story
Start with "Once upon a time there was a problem in the land."
Now this IS good advice. Add Al Gore voice, make the problem global warming, and you've got a winner -- tot's out in seconds!
Hey Crabmommy, I hate to rub it in and all, but I'm over here in Paris at the moment and, strangely enough, no one seems too hung up about stuff like women breastfeeding in public. They just sort of... do it, and no one, like... freaks out. What's with that?? And they also do stuff like, oh, smoke in restaurants and cafes. And les Crabtots Parisienne ride around on their little bikes without helmets and knee pads and elbow pads and Kevlar vests and such (as do the adults, for that matter). It's quite something. I figure that on a rainy day the sitters probably take the kids to the Odeon to see a performance of Waiting For Godot, or perhaps they go for a walk in the heavenly, beautiful, safe Jardin des Luxembourg?even if it means that they a little (egad!) wet!! Crabmom?I'm askin' ya?are these French people NUTS or what???
I'm flabbergasted ... absolutely no mention of the Slap Them to Sleep (tm) bed time routine.
The list maker may have been a single man!
On the topic of vomit...only last night my very dear 1 year old vomitted his 1 am milk right back up at me (having yelled for it until I relented and sent hubby to warm a bottle) and yes in the dark of his 1am bedroom mommy took the brunt of it and yes my mouth was open just enough to collect a small offering.
I very much doubt they would incude any tips for this...most certainly not a 25 yr old intern at her desk thinking up ideas for all those dishevelled moms out there...
After my first child was born, I read stacks of stuff and the ONLY good (read: non obvious) advice I can recall that actually helped was : If your kids are driving you crazy OR you know you're on a short fuse (read:PMS) make sure you dress them really cute - you're less liely to whack 'em.
deborah--that's brilliant. absolutely true.