Million Dollar Mommy, Part One
When not complaining, I can often be found lying on the floor of my bedroom in a pool of sunlight dreaming of ways to strike it rich. Like Baby Einstein Mommy. Or the loo roll lady, the chick who invented that gadget so babies can't pull toilet paper. Once mere mortal SAHMers, now they're all, like, hiring fifty nannies and going to Hawaii constantly. Or in the case of Einstein mommy, going to see the Sistine chapel with the kids (even though secretly wishing she were in Hawaii—I know it).
Here's the amazing thing about lying on the floor, ignoring one's duties as mother and wife: good ideas happen. I've got several and I'm sure at least one will yield big bucks. Lucky reader, YOU will get periodic sneak peeks at my inventions. (Don't even think of stealing my ideas, by the way. Fuggedaboudit. They are trademarked, patented, registered.)
Here's my first offering:
Baby Bjorn Clip-On Food Visor™
Especially good for urban breastfeeding mamas on-the-go, this handy Clip-On Food Visor™ helps a hungry mom chow down while baby remains calm and crumb-free in her frontal carrier. Developed so mom can nosh, say, a GIANT FALAFEL from that really yummy falafel joint on 7th Ave in Park Slope, the Clip-On Food Visor™ attaches to your Bjorn (still figuring out the deal with the Bjorn-peeps on this one) right above baby's head, providing a tray to catch the chickpea run-off, thereby ensuring that
a) baby doesn't get tahini mixing with the cradle cap on her head
b) mom grubs hassle-free and hands-free
Economical and practical, the Clip-On Food Visor™ means out-of-my-mind-starving urban mom can eat whenever and wherever she wants without trying to hold a floppy, not-yet-ready-for-high-chair baby with one hand.
I'm bloody serious. Why doesn't Bjorn add this as an accessory?
Why isn't the nanny holding the baby?
What a brilliant idea. I am no longer wearing my child on my chest, thank the lord, but could have used one of these back in the day. Poor kid suffered terribly from cradle crap. She still resents me for it. I can tell.
People ... there's this thing called a hat.
But MK, the Food Visor is so much easier to clean -- a simple wet-wiping and you're ready to snap it away and move on. Also it comes in a range of hipster fashion-forward colors, like dirty orange and olive green! Come on! You KNOW you want one even if you...um...have a good point there. Ahem.
Like many babies I know, my child was hatphobic. She insisted on keeping her bald little head unadorned, except for cradle crap, crumbs and a big bright red strawberry hemangioma top and center (we called it her on/off button).