...said the liquor store manager when my two-year-old asked for a neon-orange 99-cent plastic shot-glass on St. Patrick's Day. Tot was also offered a shamrock sticker, but declined. Because even on the greenest of days, she's orange-obsessed: underwear, shirt, pants, barrettes -- and that shot glass, which, when held to the eye, turns the whole world orange. She got the glass and we made a hasty exit before the color talk continued and she volunteered (as she had all week), "I have pink eye."

Many moms dread that pink -- the most contagious of girly colors -- will be their daughter's favorite. I don't mind pink. But my personal pink is purple. All shades and tones. Hate it. So when tot first indicated a love of purple -- favoring the violet marker, lingering on that purple page in Richard Scarry with the pansy -- I became concerned.

A mother's job is to teach right from wrong. So when tot begged for a "purple and lello" hair-scrunchy at the dollar store, I intervened. Tot, you must learn the objective truth: all colors are good, except one. Purple is for people who are squadron leaders in food coops. It's for people who attend drumming circles in purple drawstring pants. Purple should never have made it onto the rainbow. And purple with lello? That's the devil talking, my girl!

A good mom lets her child express herself. A good mom also protects her child...from lavender-walled bedrooms and lilac duvet covers. Hence my Color Brainwashing Program: dissing purple and promoting noble hues, like orange. I feel slightly guilty when orange tot elicits compliments -- "such an individualist!" and "how unusual! Most girls like pink or purple" -- but my cause is just. Plus, in an orange world, tot still coordinates her own way: she insists, every day, on wearing one lello sock.

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