Because We Need Advice
It's July 4th. Summer is officially here and I know I have questions about kid safety. Like, is it okay to use my fancy high-altitude helioplex sunscreen on Crabtot, or is the stuff toddler-toxic?...What does a deer tick look like?...Is Crabtot old enough to safely make me a gin and tonic?
Many questions. Which is why we turn to the experts. It's a pity they so often have nothing very useful to say. For example, here are some shockingly enlightening pointers from the Guide to Summer Health, brought to you by the American Academy of Pediatrics:
* "You know you've overdone the sun when your baby's skin is pinkish red."
No, really? I thought she had to be ORANGE!
* "The sun is strongest between 10 am and 3pm."
Are you sure? I thought kids were most at risk in the early evening when the sun gets all sort of reddish and starts slipping down the horizon!
* "Mosquitoes leave itchy bumps, while a bee sting causes redness and painful swelling."
I'm glad I now know that a mosquito bite might itch. Seriously, who wouldn't know that? IS THERE A PERSON ALIVE on this earth who hasn't been bitten by a mosquito?
* "Leaving your baby alone in the water, even for a second, puts her at risk for drowning. This is always the case in the bath and around buckets of water, but in summer, add to your list: all pools, lakes, streams, and the ocean."
All I can say is, THANK GOD I read this. I mean, like all humans I had heard the one about not leaving the kids alone with an inch of water in the bath. But I didn't know that I should add oceans and lakes to my list. Thanks, docs. You just saved a life today!
* "Water accidents are most likely to occur during the summer."
Now, THAT'S a newsflash. I would have guessed winter for the highest concentration of water-based accidents...All those children licking icicles and needing the fire department to disengage their tongues from the ice! All those toddlers drowning in their hot chocolate!
Please take the good doctors' research to heart, parent people. It takes many years of medical school to bring you the facts. Use them and enjoy a Safety First Summer.
How in the hell have I managed to keep the tribe alive this long without this?
For some reason I wasn't able to post a comment on your prior blog--about 'Baa Baa Black Sheep' and such--and there's one point I must make (paraphrasing Lloyd Bentsen):
I know Crabhusband. I served with Crabhusband. Crabhusband and I are friends. And if there's one thing I know about Crabhusband it's that he could have WRITTEN 'Baa Baa Black Sheep' and still wouldn't remember it. So don't take it too much to heart.