Bring on the Euphemisms
Call me Victorian, but I'm against kids learning anatomically correct names for genitalia. I shudder when the tiny people tell you they have a vagina, or a penis. But, as we all know, plenty of people don't agree with me.
Maybe I'd feel different if the offending words weren't so, well, offensive, to begin with. There's just nothing nice about the word "vagina." It's so guttural. Saying it makes me feel like I just chewed on a piece of foil with my metal-filled molar. And "penis"—ouch! When I say it I feel like I just got a paper-cut. Yet there are many sensible parents hell-bent on bandying these ugly words about.
Luckily, kids often cutely mangle them. Like the little girl who told her mother her "bagina" hurt. Or the kid who said, in disbelief, after being informed of how babies are born, "Uh uh. They don't come out of your veejay!?"
If only better words had been given out back when the Anglo-Saxons or whoever donated those sounds to English. Why couldn't they have switched some words around and called the veejay a "sponge" or an "anemone" or something similarly easy on the ears? Then I'd be fine with teaching Crabtot what her wee-wee's real name is. And if they'd just swapped the p-word for "stamen" or "stem"—something prong-like but somehow less screamingly penile—then I'd be cool with telling Tot the dictionary name for her friends' winkies.
So I'm on a crusade. Will you join me? If we collectively conspire to eradicate "penis" and "vagina" from our child-rearing vocab, maybe we can eliminate these unattractive words from the English language altogether. And let's extend this mission to those people out there still convinced that kids need to know the term "bowel movement." Please, parents! Watch your language!
I wholeheartedly agree with you, Crabmommy! While I am not exactly at ease with a small child screaming the words "CAA CAA" across a public place, there are so many great alternatives to the textbook labels. What's wrong with "Poop?" When my brother and I were little, we knew we had different parts. Those were all referred to as "Private Places." Little ones don't really need to know any more than that.
I totally agree! My little guy came up with his own term for his appendage...he calls it a nuk. I know what it means and he knows what it means. Who cares what anyone else calls it? I'd hope he wouldn't have any reason to discuss his nuk with anyone but me or his dad for a long while yet so his code word suits us just fine!!
I laughed outloud reading your blog about daycare and private parts wording. Our 3 year old son called his privates his "ding-ding" and I would like to keep it that way. If he screams "ding-ding" in public, no one really knows what he is saying!