Surely Crabmommy will soon break into the rich-mom scene with her schemes and dreams? This is my sincerest hope, especially after last night, while watching the "California Baby" products mom-inventor on TV. She had a great frock on and was very modest about her success, stating simply that she was "just a mom" who saw a gap in the market and then began mixing potions for her organic baby shampoos.

Inspired by and jealous of such moms—chicks savvy enough to parlay mommy notions into cold hard cashola—Crabmommy once again reaches deep into an otherwise empty brain and asks: what can I do to improve parenting and pad my purse in the process?

The Martyrmeter®

Every new set of parents plays the martyr game. Which of you is doing more? Is it the breadwinner slogging through a deadly job to provide the dough? Is it the stay-at-homer, dealing in tantrums, playdates, and interminable wiping of orifices? 

Don't argue. Get a MartryMeter®!

A two-pack handset (one per parent) and docking station combo, the MartyrMeter® takes the guesswork and arguing out of the competition for the title, Most Put-Upon Parent. Simply log your activities into the handset (see attached sheet of coded chores); at day's end, plug the handset into the docking station, where the MartyrMeter® will compute your daily miseries and stack them against your spouse's. Rest assured, our computational device has been programmed for complete accuracy. Winners may rest their case!

Note: the MartyrMeter Deluxe Edition® comes with a built-in lie detector. Do you suspect your spouse of fudging numbers and fibbing about times? Does parent-on-duty say the baby woke at 5am but you think it was probably closer to 6am? Just grab that Meter, and let our patented motion and heat sensing technology track your spouse's blood pressure while he or she holds the handset. If he's lying, we've got his number! Game Over!!

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