she lied to the teacher!
No, not Crabtot. Crabmommy.
Since I've become a mom I've done so much lying. You lie about other people's babies. You say they're beautiful when they aren't. You lie to your spouse about what time the baby woke up (always a half hour earlier if Mommymartyr's on duty). You lie to the tot: no, that money in your piggy bank isn't actually yours, it's just where Mommy keeps her extra cash! Lies just roll off my tongue. And now this: Last Sunday I went out and got a bit drunk. This is a very good thing. For Crabhubby and I to go out, totless, to an actual sushi restaurant and actually drink too much sake is so rare a treat it felt as though we'd flown to Japan.
But Monday morning I had a head-clanger. Too much sake at high-altitude—don't do it. So I crawled out of bed and only just managed to get Crabtot to preschool, an hour late. When it came to delivering my excuse to the teachers, something about my role as Mom told me I should say "headache" instead of "hungover." And then I added some drivel about "coming down with something."
I feel utterly sheepish about it. Drunkmommy, why did you lie? It was totally uncalled for. Crabtot's teachers are completely cool, fantastic women! And even if they weren't, why shouldn't I have told the truth? It's not like I was doing crack! But instead of admitting to too much sake (shock! horror!) I played pious. And it makes me feel bad that I felt I had to sound good.
Yes, it's time to own up to the sad truth: Since I started momming, the fibs and fudges, they just flutter off my lips. For all I know this whole story might be made up. Don't trust me: I'm not a reliable narrator. I mean, I lie. And right now, I'm also a bit drunk.
Can you relate to this? Please tell me you're a bunch of liarmoms too!
A liar? Hmm, can we say I "reshape based on the audience?" I find that in the workplace there is a certain don't ask don't tell quality about parenting. There are those that simply don't think you should talk about kids at work, so I don't. If a comment is made that would normally have me respond with something related to our kids, I'll change it. It's not worth the headache or the down-the-nose scowls.
I'm pretty sure I'd reshape a hangover to all but my closest friends.
-Amanda
http://lifewithbriar.blogspot.com
http://toddlywinks.blogspot.com
Hi Amanda,
Indeed "reshaping based on the audience" is another way of putting it and is often called for as a parent. It's just that on this particular occasion, it struck me that saying "I had a bit too much sake" to some very sympathetic and youthful and perfectly cool women wasn't out of order.
But something has happened to me since becoming Mom where I find fibs and fudges come to me far more often than they used to, probably for good reason (white lies to kids and parents-of-not-so-cute-tots) but sometimes just because heck, who knows?!
I always vow not to participate in the Stepford-mommy culture I see in our culture at large, where momming is taken quite seriously and many moms seem prissy or otherwise striving for perfection... but sometimes I fall off the wagon and act a role instead of being myself. That moment I had with the teacher -- one such example. It seems so silly to me that I immediately came up with a haughty excuse for the head-clanger. Anyhoo. Thanks for stopping by. Will check out your blogs too!
I hear you. I definitely shave things from stories...shave, reshape, smacks of plastic surgery slang, and it is sort of cosmetic story telling. Who wants to share the way you melt down when that last straw not only breaks your back, but stains your shirt and causes you to erupt in colorful language as your toddlers cling to your unshaven legs? Even if you know they'll laugh or understand, sometimes you just slip and censor for perfection, or at least closer to it than the truth is.
I've never had sake, but it seems everyone has a wicked hangover story to go with it...
After reading this piece, I'm now realizing how bad I actually am. Sure I lie. (With ease now that there are two kids.) But what's scarier: I actually lie to make myself seem worse on occasion. Sometimes I'm just joking--like when I talk about my smack habit (or am I?)--but people always pause as if they're not so sure. . . . But often I mean them to believe my sordid tales.
I'm pretty fed up with Pollyanna-ish tales of perfect parents sweet talking their brats so I claim to yell and spank and medicate (self and otherwise) and, well, whatever else sounds good at the moment (that horse whip in the attic would make for some interesting conversation, plus I could display it for anyone who actually comes around...). Let's just say I'm not acquiring mom-friends at a rapid rate. And that's fine by me.
Next time you have some sake, take tot just-in-time to school in your disheveled sleepwear, uncombed hair spiking wildly, all else, including dark glasses, askew and whisper to the teacher loudly enough for parents to overhear about how your “problem” got the best of you. Then you can tell us all how it went. Hell, that sounds like fun, maybe I could give it a try tomorrow. . . .
Forget lying to the teachers I now am developing a very bad attitude to my son's too expensive tiny private park slope school teachers too. They keep teling me off (wet diaper on arrival, collecting toys from the other class en route to their room etc). He does not want to go anyway , so I kept him at home today and made his cold sound worse than it is. Having said this, since there are no more decongestants available to buy beg or steal out there, I can no longer drug him up and pretend he is better than he is. Maybe this makes me more honest....
I haven't gotten into the hardcore lying phase yet, but I'm sure that a time will come. Sure, I've used dear son as an excuse to get out of things... yeah lying... :-) That's life though, isn't it?
http://www.clarinetsw.blogspot.com
Al, contrary to my above story...how well do I identify with your desire to make yourself seem worse than you are. It's the rebel instinct in us: we won't let momming make us into wussies (or at least, that's me most of the time). Damned straight! Keep up the lying and I promise to stay drunk and if I don't stay drunk, I'll at least pretend I am as much as possible. It's good for moms to have goals!
bklynmom, I second you: isn't it sad that we can no longer drug up our kids and pretend they're healthier than they actually are for the purposes of preschool. Too bad your tot's teachers sound like twits. Sounds like they need a drink too. Let's ALL have a bloody drink. Sake on the house! chin-chin! (Mam2bna, you must imbibe of this magical elixir. It's madness to go through life without it. Kind of like going through life without...infant cold meds. OK, I'LL STOP!)