Nope, this isn't going to be a sexy post. The title is just my way of getting you interested in Crabtot's and my visits to the playgrounds in Cape Town. Because South Africa really just has these most fabulous swings, and actually these most fabulous playgrounds in general, and in our forays out to swing and climb and seesaw, I realized I had forgotten quite how different from America the playgrounds are in S.A., and quite how much I loved playing in them when I grew up here.

For starters, the swings in S.A. are made from car tires. They hollow them out, attach them to chains, and voilà: There are also other sorts of tire swings:
In fact, tires are the dominant medium in a South African playground. At the bottom of slides, for example, there are tires to cushion your landing:
Having visited several playgrounds here in C.T., I can say that every one of them makes ingenious use of tires. Some use whole tires set out like stepping-stones for children to step onto and jump off in a sort of rubberized obstacle course. Some are painted rainbow colors. Some have colorful designs stenciled on.

Tires! Crabtot has not once tired of leaping off or swinging in them. And when you think about it, tires are brilliant things, because they are soft and yet bouncy and the shape is so versatile for kids' play. So I wonder, why do they use tires here so much but we don't use them in the U.S.? Is it just that they have more old tires lying around here? From stolen cars perhaps? Like the car I borrowed that got stolen from me yesterday? Yes! That must be it! Or wait, maybe it's simpler: In Africa you just don't have the plethora of ready-made playground paraphernalia, specially developed by child experts and triple-checked for safety. In Africa someone just says, "Hey, we need a playground." And then they go get them some tires. Simple. Artful. Recyclable. Genius.

Another thing I clean forgot we used to play on, and which I never ever see in the U.S., are seesaws. Where are they? I haven't seen any in Crabtown, nor did I ever see them back in my New York City days. Why, though? Nothing could be more fun than bouncing up and down on a seesaw. It is, however, best to have another kid's weight on the end on the seesaw, rather than Crabtot's chunky mother or her doll Edie (pictured here on the ground). And yes, those are tires sunken into the ground beneath the seesaw seat, just in case someone leaps off his end early and the other half comes down hard.

Q: Has the seesaw has been deemed too "unsafe" or "uncool" or "un-something" to have in U.S. playgrounds? And ditto the merry-go-round? Crabtot is totally entranced on the merry-go-rounds of Cape Town, and I don't blame her. I well remember whole days spent whirling round and then staggering off the merry-go-round to see how dizzy I was.

So my question to the floor: Do you guys ever see seesaws and merry-go-rounds (or tire swings) in your American/U.K./wherever playgrounds? And if not ... why not? Surely it's not a matter of safety? I mean, heck, Crabtown has these crazy, whacked-out athletic playgrounds, with luge-like slides and cliff-hanging platforms inviting children to break a leg. Indeed, in this ski-resort town of ours, a town quite determined to train extreme athletes on its intimidating climbing walls and scary twisted ladders, safety doesn't rule. If safety were so paramount, then surely they would signpost the kiddie rides of Crabtown as they do the adult runs, i.e., Black Diamond, Double Black Diamond, and so on?

Seriously, Parks and Rec peeps, can we please get a dang seesaw in Crabtown? Or a merry-go-round? It may sound superscary, but I'll take my chances!

And now I leave you with the image of an afternoon's spent sitting in the sun, playing on tire swings, looking up at Table Mountain and collecting acorns from ancient oaks. This play area is pretty trashed and needs serious TLC, and you have to watch where you park (car thieves! everywhere!), but they've got one thing right here in S.A. and it's how to do a simple playground that appeals to kids. Nothing here has changed since I was a kid, which makes sense, since being a kid pretty much means the same thing whenever you live your life. Come to think of it, not even the paint colors have changed in S.A. playgrounds since I was small. All the slides and jungle gyms are painted in primary-color, thick, shiny, suspect lead-looking paint. I remember lazy summer days when we would peel it off in long, lovely sun-warmed strips and chew it. Delicious!

Stay tuned for a final South African dispatch. Crabtot and I are making a remote trip to a rural beach town, then winging our way back to Crabtown, and from thence you will see me writing my usual fare: bad behavior (from moms and tots), general momming complaints, admissions of laziness, selfishness, predicting your monthly momoscopes, and so forth.

Now please tell me about your playgrounds. Have you seen a seesaw?