we are pregnant
Not ME! One is my seven, people. Crabmommy walks in the shackles of motherhood, beaten down, worn out and only one little duckling shall be my brood. But I want to speak of the phrase "we are pregnant." Because it really tweaks my vibe. And I feel like Crabhub and I are the only couple who never used the first person plural when I got knocked up. Okay, so maybe this isn't the most relevant place to begin my new monthly Manners&Etiquette discussion, "Rude Mommy," but this is my blog, and that phrase just dang offends my ears and crabs me out!
We are pregnant. Dad-to-be, unless you're a seahorse, in which case the spawn would indeed be lodged in your tum-tum, please revert to the third person singular feminine in my presence! She is pregnant, not you. And while maybe you'd like to be and you maybe you think you can even imagine it, and heck there's even a disorder where men actually mimic pregnancy...the truth is, pregnancy is women's work. You sowed it, but she grows it.
I know when fathers say they're pregnant too it's meant to be cute and supposed to show a desire to understand and commune with the greatness that is motherhood. But it irks me that we can't call a spade a spade anymore. So a pregnant woman is now actually only half-pregnant, because he completes her and all that? Sorry, Dad, but I'm only seeing one bump and it's not yours. (And if you ask me, your pet dog is dead, not passed away, or passed on or over or under.)
What do you think? Am I just a rudemommy, or is anyone else out there allergic to this line?
Speaking of pregnant and being offended, there's perhaps only one worse preggie-related phrase that could come to these ears and I *almost* heard it last month. There was I at the grocery store—admittedly tummy wibbling over my too-low jeans—when I exchanged light banter with an acquaintance, and then at one point she looked down at my stomach and said, "Are you...?" I was dumbfounded. I guess at least she had the decency to bloody trail off rather than finish the sentence! But LAWD, doesn't everyone know to avoid that question? Guess not—I have a friend who has twice been asked on different occasions by the same woman if she was pregnant. And no, she wasn't.
I thought everyone, especially women and moms, knew to avoid looking at, much less commenting on, a possibly-pregnant tum. Apparently not in Crabtown. Maybe it's because everyone has taut, toned ski-abs three seconds post-partum so that even a slight bit of chunk is reason to suspect reproduction. Well, good for you, taut-abbed ladies. Now please run along to the gym. Some of us have donuts to eat and blogging to do.
I hear yah, CM! It ticks me off too. Guys please until you've carried the mini-me around inside you for 9 months and then push it out your privates ... you don't get to say, "we".
Sheesh ... is nothing sacred?
MK
http://mommyknows.com
I know this phenomenon of which you speak/blog, and We (first person, royal) are likewise not amused.
THANK YOU CRABMOMMY!!
I am SO glad to hear that I'm not the only one who hates this expression with every fiber of my being.
well put. we agree.
Oh, thank you for writing this. I have been cursed with weak abs my whole life, and after pregnancy I practically have to pull them up into my jeans. This past summer it might have been once a week that I was aked. It is the #1 rule of etiquette - you NEVER should ask. I was at a party and the woman was 8 months pregnant, scratching the sides of her belly in front of me, saying how itchy it was. Still, I would not ask.
Yeah, I hate that phrase too. My husband actually used that once, about us, to friends...horrors...and I quickly corrected him. In front of said friends. Sorry. I'm the only one in our couple that is capable of getting pg.
Saying "we are pregnant" when in fact only one half is, negates all the suffering the pregnant half is going through.
All the swelling, aches, pains, inability to drink or have any other vices for 9 months followed by one of the worst days in your life getting the wee one out, is only worth it if you can bask in the pregnant limelight alone.
Forget it Dads you cant claim any credit here beyond one tiny tadpole on day 1.
"We are Pregnant"??? How like a man to co-opt the one single experience that is wholly and only female!!!! I nearly hit my husband in the mouth upon utterance of the phrase! (month 7.75 with twins on a hot, long day.)
i DESPISE when couples say WE are pregnant!! And, the whole pregnancy is WE. I've been pregnant, 3 times...ME...not WE!!! He doesn't have to go to the doctors, once and month or more. He doesn't have people poking and prodding him during delivery...AND...he just stands and watching during while she is pushing and screaming...or, getting her insides placed gently on her stomach!!!
http://www.suchsimplepleasures.com
Ugh, I hate that right along with everyone else! (prego currently w/#2)
Lest my husband endured:
*18 weeks of vomiting everything he ate and drink that included a trip to the ER for dehydration
* 2 hours of pushing
* 7 hrs without meds in labor
* more stitches than you can shake a stick at
* bloody nipples
* 3 weeks of postpartum bleeding
Then, NO, he was never part of being pregnant. I was pregnant. He? Well, he just got to have fun one night and then tried to show empathy for nine months.
We all seem to agree: dads who use this line are pushing it. But somehow what really makes my skin crawl are the women who say "we are pregnant" (eyes cast lovingly at man next to them). I mean, guys, yes -- they want to be part of it and maybe they think they're supposed to say the "we." But a chick knows exactly which pronoun has to do the prego work...so why does she use the "we"? What could they be thinking?
Aaah...whichever politician bans people asking women whether they are pregnant shall get my vote! (They should also make sanitary products free, but that's another rant!)
Seriously, who does this? I'll tell you who - my husband's rude grandmother, who ruined my whole Christmas by putting her hand on my belly and asking INFRONT OF EVERYONE if I was pregnant! WHEN SHE AND THE ENTIRE GATHERING KNOW MY HUSBAND HAS HAD A VASECTOMY!!! Sorry about the exclamation mark usage, and the capitals but honestly... what a twit. Can I swear on this site? AND to add insult to injury I was wearing a NEW DRESS which I THOUGHT was pretty, but... forever more it will be known as the 'pregnancy dress'.
i got really annoyed when my husband would say "she's pregnant" because, as the whole pregnancy thing was a bit of an unexpected situation, it felt like he was implying it was MY fault and i was the one with the "problem". I wanted us BOTH to be on this rollercoaster-that-you-can-never-get-off. So I made him say "We are having a baby".
most sensible mrsneale. nothing wrong with the "we're in it together" comment i.e. WE are having a baby, in my opinion. Just so long as hubby doesn't imply he understands what it means to use your stomach as a tea tray in front of the TV, or what it feels like to see your ankles morph into bratwursts.