frequent flyers
I've found the cure for jet lag: keep flying. And then fly some more.
Warning: This post is not for the faint of heart. This account of Crabmom and Crabtot's hellacious journey from South Africa to Wyoming makes for a most unpleasant reading experience. So, as incentive, I will reward the first person to comment with one gently used (okay, heavily used) red travel pillow designed to relieve strain on the neck muscles. Another random commenter shall also be the proud beneficiary of a brand new egg of Silly Putty. Because Silly Putty rocks! Because Silly Putty is so magnificent that it gave me many extra hours of peace and quiet while Crabtot molded it to my armrest.
SATURDAY: 3 hours to Joburg, then 19 hours to Wash. DC: Crabtot is uncharacteristically angelic and the hot guy next to us gives us an extra seat. We don't sleep much but invisible ink drawing and putty play gets us through. Air travel? Piece of putty, methinks. How wrong could I be? READ ON!
SUNDAY: DC: Stroller does not appear from on-board check-in for 40 mins. Almost miss flight to Denver. Arrive in Denver, sprint to our last connection to Crabtown. Just make the plane! But minutes before landing a blizzard slams us. We are diverted to a Podunk, Idaho, I think it was called. We wait on tarmac, plane rippling back and forth in the wind like a feather. We attempt another landing and are then sent back to Denver. Now we are 48 hours into the journey and I have had 4 hours of sleep. As we deplane, I beg the cabin crew to help me. They assure me a representative in a blue blazer will be meeting our aborted flight and will be able to give me special help. But though I search frantically, no blue blazered human is in sight! Instead, we join a line half a mile long to rebook seats. Crabtot, justifiably, melts down and begins to howl and twist in her stroller. People stare. I hate them with the passion of a mother.
I break the line and race forward to the ticket desk and beg for mercy. A leaden-faced badly-permed trollop of a woman at customer service refuses to give me any special help even though we have been flying for 2 days on her airline. She snipes that if I wish to cut the queue I have to ask people myself. And so I do. A gentleman lets me ahead of him. Another man shouts at me and asks, "Can I cut into the line if I have a kid?" Crabby words ensue. Mothers defend me and foist snacks on us as Crabtot has not eaten all day thanks to American air service. Seriously, how is it in a country where people eat constantly, no one will feed you if you're traveling from dawn to dusk? The moms crowd around me with Fig Newtons. A mom in need is a mom indeed. I weep a little at their niceness. And later, a lot, out of misery.
MONDAY: I took mercy on you, fast-forwarding through a nightmare-ish night in Denver, where we take a 40-min bus ride (because there are no airport hotels) to a Crystal Inn. I took pity on you by not telling you how Crabtot was too tired to eat but mumbled just before falling into a coma, "please no more sweet things." I took pity on you and declined to relate the monstrous details of how long it took me to get through a "special search" at Denver airport security the next morning. How they made me take Crabtot's shoes off, then put them on, then off again (because tiny bombs may well be stashed in those Dora sneakers!). And how Security became mad when she stepped into that creepy air-puffer bomb-detector phone-booth thing on her own. And how I could not get the thing to let her out, or me in. And how I finally did break down and actually cry when I realized I would miss my flight. And how my little tantrumy, sassy, prickly Crabtot calmly gave me her chubby hand and said, "It's okay, Mommy. We're fine!" And I thought to myself, humbled for once in my Crabby Mommy life that here is a 3-year-old child who has been traveling for 60 hours. And she can still smile and be nice. She was like Gandhi! (Except with hair. And beef jerky.)
UTAH: We know we won't make it to Wyoming on account of weather. We choose Utah instead where we have an actual chance of landing. And a mother-in-law to stay with. We are the last plane into Salt Lake City, after which a totally random and gung-ho blizzard rips across the placid blue skies above the Great Salt Lake and shuts the airport down. This is an airport that never shuts down. My mother-in-law is here. Never have I been so happy to be in Utah! I am so happy I am practically converting to Mormonism on the spot!
AND FINALLY
We begin the absolute worst leg of the journey altogether, no lie. Now, readers, I sense you are flagging. Hold on! I say. Hold on! Remember the neck pillow. And the Silly Putty! Okay, so with no carseat (Crabtot's spare carseat was lost in the theft of a car I borrowed in South Africa—another long story), we clamber into my mother-in-law's car and proceed to climb the mountain pass between Salt Lake and Park City, where MIL lives. We drive at 7 miles an hour in a whiteout. Around us, some 200 cars and trucks drift into snowbanks. The world is white. I think maybe we are, after all this, at the end of the road. As in, we're done for. But we make it. To Park City at least. And then they close the roads. For the rest of the day and night.
AND THUS
Concludes my journey. Ish. We spend many days at MIL's while Crabhub fights through Wyoming blizzards to come and fetch us in our car. He makes it, but we are further snowed in for days. Crabfamily tensions rise to a new height. And Crabtot eats more candy than she has ever known it possible to eat.
IN CONCLUSION
You can't blame the airlines for the weather. But you can blame them for their inability to treat people humanely. Especially when they are 3 years old, are flying on a paid seat, and have been traveling for 3 days. Instead of expecting traveling mothers to ask pity from fellow disgruntled passengers, airlines should have formal procedures whereby they offer help to the truly needy in such circumstances, especially when the needy have spent over $5000 in air tickets with you on this trip. And when they have asked for special assistance. But as we all know, you can't expect decent treatment from these air-people anymore. What you can do, though, is blog about them. And hope that mothers who read it will do everything in their power to avoid United Airlines and its ghastly robotic cretins in future. Fly your unfriendly skies? Never again!
TAKE THAT, AIRPEEPS! Do not provoke the wrath of the Crabmommy. For she shall deliver it unto you tenfold! (Unless you send me free First Class tix for next time. Then I'll take it all back.)
Got an airline horror story to get off your chest? Or do you just want that neck pillow? Tell me you feel my pain, below.
Funny, I won't fly United anymore. I was traveling for business... and got delayed trying to get from Minneapolis to Indianapolis. Ended up getting in at 2:00 a.m., six hours late. On the way back, delayed again (despite actually being in a hurry to get back and see my little ones). Was at airport at 8:30 a.m., standing in line when the flight was cancelled. Got "automatically" rebooked on 7:10 p.m. flight when there were THREE that left earlier. Only to hear person standing in line in front of me originally on 7:10 flight get rebooked to earlier flight. Ended up jumping to Northwest at 3:00 p.m. Lucky- found out later United 7:10 flight was also cancelled. Got back to work Monday morning and told department travel arranger not to ever book me on United again.
How horrifying!!! I want to kick those unhelpful airline employees and childish fellow travelers in the face!!!
And then I realized, with horror, that I have on occasion been the guy who said (although i never actually said it, just thought it) "if i have a kid can I cut in the line?". For 2.5 years I flew every other week to my jobsite in California, and after 16 hour days (which is nothing near what you endured with crabtot) canceled & delayed flights brought out the worst in me. Made my eyes glow red with rage when the babies near me melted down from sheer, exhausted frustration, made me fantasize about fashioning a shiv from my fingernail clippers and...and..... it's too horrible to say. Hearing the viewpoint of a mother with a small child in the same situation fills me with guilt and self-loathing over my reaction. Makes me wonder how all of those meditative zen-isms that I have been working on just up and evaporated so quickly.
I think that your cookie post should be distributed nationwide, to everyone who flies. It's just so easy to become all wrapped up in one's own airline-induced bile, and to assume that the frantic mother with the screaming child is just trying to "cut in front of you". One would have to be truly heartless not to graciously move you to the front of the line, knowing that you have been traveling for 48 effing hours with a 3-year-old!
You poor thing. I have traveled a lot with our daughter and the worst treatment I have ever received was by security at SFO. Though airline staff and crabby fellow flyers come a close second. I haven't been on a United plane in many years. They are the worst. I will happily pay more or go out of my way to not get on one of their flights.
united is the worst they sat our 2 year old seperate from us and couldnt seem to understand our upset also the security screeners at the denver airport must be evil...they took their sweet time screening me when i was 6 mo pregnant and my 2 yr old wanted to.be held this is apparently not allowed. i understand the need for security but they could at least be nice about it.also we were delayed on the runway in july on a plane with a broken airconditioner. dont get me started about the time we flew to bosnia and alitalia wanted to put us and our then 1 yr old on standby. this is after the flight attendants were rude when we requested extra milk for our toddler during the 8 hr flight. i will never fly united or alitalia again.
At 5'10", pregnant, traveling with two toddlers and a mercilessly travel brittle husband and having a severe intolerance of my own for BS, I am simply not air-travel worthy. I cried uncle on this one over the holidays. I've posted an open invitation to our house for anyone desiring to visit with our two little ones, the third gestating in my belly or my husband or myself. Let them keep their over salted snack foods, foul lavatories and acidic staff.
http://lifewithbriar.blogspot.com
http://toddlywinks.blogspot.com
mom2bna, you have the right idea. And LAWD the rest of you gals -- can these United Airlines people be any worse? Seating a 2-yr-old AWAY from her mom? They are clearly insane. May they go insolvent. All the lot of them. And then none of us can travel. And maybe our lives will be better that way. Yikes, what ghastly tales we can all tell from our travels...It's just horrednous what we have to be subjected to. I also thinka lot of people seem moms and kids traveling as though we somehow ought not do it all until everyone is grown up. What they fail to understand is that no one in their RIGHT MIND wants to do it until the kids are grown. But sometimes you just have to do it anyway.
I once had a flight from San Fran to San Diego with my 2 year old who had just come down with hand foot and mouth virus. No, not hoof and mouth disease, but almost. I would equate it more with leprosy. The flunkee in the ER that morning looked into a book and told me it was scarlet fever. My son had a raging fever (103 with motrin and tylenol,) was nauseous, covered in red blisters and cried nonstop. The seats were arranged in 2 pairs with each pair facing the other. I sat with three very hot men on their way down to Mex to buy property. Lucky me. I hadn't slept in two days. Literally. I almost burst into tears at one point, when all of a sudden one of the men started talking to me. The last thing I wanted was small talk, so I was short. The next thing I know, all three are taking turns passing my boy back and forth, walking him around, letting him play with their cell phones, etc. I tried to explain that his disease was not contagious to grown ups and they laughed. It turns out they all had kids. That story has a happy ending. I still cannot and will not talk or write about the one where I was diarrhea-d on.
http://mommyrella.blogspot.com/
OH, boy! I cannot imagine living that nightmare....it's tough enough just to read about! Kids are difficult, but it sounds like yours shines in a crisis. That's awesome!
I don't have too many travel nightmares to share, but that's only because we don't travel much. Driving the whole family from California to Illinois and then to Oklahoma before coming back home to California again...that was enough. Long, boring drive. True test for a wife and mom.
Next time, I'll take my chances flying!
I think we were on United (might have been American) when we missed our flight and were bumped to the next flight. Where they gave us 3 seats that were all scattered throughout the plane (not even 2 together). And the boarding-pass-taker was astonished that we wouldn't take the seats, get on the plane, and put our 2-year-old next to strangers. Refusing that flight meant we spent a night in a hotel.
kdblya,
I think they probably all are as bad as each other, these airlines. Moving children from their mothers. Are they insane? It's so preposterous as to be almost funny. Except when you have to overnight at an airport hotel because of it. Ugh!
I never want to fly on an american owned airline ever again in my life.
FLYING UNITED HONG KONG W/4 MONTH OLD... ALONE...14 HOUR FLIGHT, DELAYED ON THE TARMACK IN SAN FRANCISCO. As if that's night a bad start, my son threw up all over me on takeoff! Why? We never got the "clearance" on the tarmack so there we sat, not sleeping b/c the APA (American Pediatric Association) says to keep child awake, if not fed during takeoff. Me, my seat, my jacket and son are covered in puke. I ask for a bottle of water to clean up, and get warned that "we don't hand out bottles of water". I brought my own $10 bottle of post security purchased water by hour six, that and the bottle given to me were done. So, my milk supply is getting depleated and I am turning into raisin! But I manage to get one more bottle from a sympathetic female crew member. THEN hour 12, cabin pressure changes again, no warning, and up comes a hurricane amount of breast milk, formula (to supplement). Luckily I had pedialyte which I BEGGED security to let me bring on board. After 17 hours of travel, my son went thru 4 outfits, 6 diapers, 2 giant puking sessions, and I still had the mindset to be pleasant to my DH on arrival in HK. That said, after the last episode of puking (in the aisles, seat, and all over me) United crew members moved me to a "closed cabin". It was business class, but I got no service, just another bottle of water. ;)
oh crabmommy you are my hero! I have been brought to tears after only 6 hours in the air (I was however alone with 2 babies one of whom had an ear infection and had been screaming and writing in pain for 4 hours). I have yet to write to virgin america and get the perfect blond who broke me fired but am working on it.
I am humbled by you....hero-mom!!!
Follow-up from United Airlines: long letter apologizing to me for my dire trip and $250 travel vouchers for Crabtot and I each. menaing we simpy must fly UA again. And soon. The vouchers are barely good for a year...Hmmm South Africa is pretty fantabulous at Christmas time. Then again, maybe not.