Those of you who have been following this blog know that every month Crabmommy morphs into Astromommy and looks deep into her crystal ball to see what the stars have in store for you moms. Who can explain this sudden burst of psychic energy? Is it because I myself am a mom that I can divine how other mothers will fare from moon to moon? All I know is that when the stars speak to me, they speak to me of mothers and the mighty challenges they face. Ladies, it's not always pretty here at Astromommy, but at least I can forewarn you.

Taurus: Just when you thought all the sibling rivalry and miserable playdates had dissolved. And now this. Prepare for a tough month of tattle tales and toys not shared. Deal with it on a case-by-case basis. And be sure to have a cocktail every night.
Gemini: Someone plans to give you a fabulous present. But planning and actually pulling it off are two different things. Accept the standard gift certificate with grace. Not everyone's the mommy superhero you are.
Cancer: Once again you vowed to start an exercise regimen, but who are we kidding? Nobody could stick to that plan in this heat. It's no wonder you've already given it up and are spending most of your precious free time kicking back with US magazine and eating dip. Never mind. There's always next month.
Leo: You're feeling a tiny bit guilty about something and have resolved to deal with it this month. But you won't. Which will only make you feel even guiltier next month. But what's a bit of extra guilt when you're a mom? Just another drop in the ocean...
Virgo: Although you're a neat-freak, this month you won't feel like moving the furniture during vacuuming. So don't. Just, for once, don't do it. Live dangerously. Clean sloppily. All month long. No one will notice but you.
Libra: There's been some majorly inconsistent parenting going down at your house. Are you and your partner ever going to be on the same page? Not if you don't sit down and make a plan. Do it, or beware the consequences.
Scorpio: If that child asks you one more time about getting a dog you think you might lose your mind. Haven't you had that conversation, like, twenty times already? Offer a bird. If not a bird, then an exotic turtle. Either way, I'm sorry to say by the end of this month there'll be a new friend in your house!
Sagittarius: It's not that you don't like your mother-in-law. Really, you do. Ish. It's just those long visits. All that hovering in the kitchen. And what isn't said. Maybe you can suggest something a little different next year. Like, leaving the kids with her and skipping off to Europe. Yeah, right. Like that'll fly.
Capricorn: You so seriously need to clean out your inbox it's not even funny. Even just deleting 200 emails from Travelocity Faresaver or Mothers Against Drunk Driving or links to old acquaintances' Flickr albums containing zillions of pictures of their tots will make you feel as though you've spring-cleaned your house. So what are you waiting for? Get to it! 
Aquarius: You've recently been suffering from OME ("Other Mother Envy). The grass is always greener, but seriously, girlfriend, you are peachy-cute even if you've put on a few pounds lately. And you're a dang fine mom, even if your temper gets the better of you sometimes. So that chick wanders around in fab silk tops and has wads of cash for nannies and good toenails and neat eyebrows!! Drop the envy. It's bad for your skin. (And besides, her kid's not the brightest bulb in the chandelier.)
Pisces: Organizing that overflowing toy chest fills you with doom. And what's worse is that you know your kids are old enough to participate in this one themselves. All those tiny half-pieces of Playmobil! All those wooden animals that belong who-knows-where. The half-dry markers. Ugh. You've considered just leaving all of it at the Salvation Army but you're scared they won't want it and they have cameras to watch for illegal dumping. Or maybe it's time to have a garage sale. Hmmm...These are the kinds of thoughts you'll have all month. But thinking and doing are two different things.
Aries: You've been a bit neurotic lately. Hyper-parenting. Getting overly involved in the minutiae of momhood. This month it's your month to officially stop sweating it. Go on a mommy sabbatical, even if it's just in your own mind. Pour yourself a large drink as often as possible. Don't discuss anything with your children that you can't actually change. Encourage sleepovers. At other people's houses.