The Ladybug Game: when should winners start losing?
I took a deep breath. "Oh dear, Crabtot!" I said cheerfully. "Ella Yellow just got eaten by the praying mantis. You have to go back to start! Never mind. You'll soon catch up."
We were playing the Ladybug Game. Anyone else have this board game? The players are ladybugs trying to get back to their rosebush home after being blown off course. First they have to make it past the praying mantis in Hydrangea Maze (if you get the "bug off!" card you don't get eaten). Then they have to collect aphids along the way to feed to evil ants that block their path in Ant Alley.
It's a good game. If your kid wins, that is. But lately I've decided Crabtot shouldn't always win. She's almost four. Soon enough she'll be a big girl at big school. And in the game of life, you don't always make it to the rosebush unscathed. In life, there are praying mantises along the way. And ants who want your aphids. If you follow my meaning.
Crabtot was not thrilled with me yesterday when I stopped pretending that she, Ella Yellow, would always beat me, Ricky Red, in the Ladybug Game. Here's the thing: I'm not sure I did the right thing. Maybe she's still too young to get sent back to start. Maybe I should continue to pretend, every time, that she's "lucky" enough to draw a "Bug Off!" card to protect her from the mantis. On the other hand, maybe I should stop making sure she stays lucky. Maybe I should stop ensuring she gets an aphid stash big enough to get her through Ant Alley without a hitch while I, Ricky Red, get abused by the ants every time. Because if I teach her to start losing now, she won't mind so much when she's older and ants come along and mug her for her aphids. If you follow my meaning.
It's always fun to see their little faces when they win. Then again, tell your kid she's always a winner and you might just be setting her up for a fall. The question is: when is a game just a game in which kids can win whenever they want and when is it a lesson for real life, where everyone's a loser sometimes?
You tell me: Do you teach your kids to lose? If so, at what age did you start?
Now, this is cheating. I don't usually post first on my own dang blog. But I hate the round zero sitting there in comments so...
--Hi, Crabmom! How's it going?
--Fine, and you?
--Great.
--OK, cheers, Crabmom.
--Cheers, Crabmom. You silly twit.
My daughter is 3 and a half. I haven't started letting her win or lose yet. We usually never make it to the end of the game actually. The end result (winning or losing) isn't even in my daughter's head at this point. Thank goodness. It's, to be cliche, totally about having fun on the journey. :)
"Letting them win" has never been a concept in my children's life. Besides, after more than one child, try explaining to the olders that they should let the youngers win.
Hey Crabmom,
Well, my kids are now 10 and 14, so it's hard for me to remember EXACTLY when I actually let them lose a game. But I seem to remember it was probably around 4 or 5, just like Crabtot. For us the game was Candy Land, and I think it was the "Plumpy" card that when you were almost to the end of the game, would turn up and send you back to the beginning. I remember some tears, but would do my best cheerleading to keep the spirits up as my little guy made his way back through the game. (Although I probably ended up cheating and giving him a break later. Teaching the losing thing was a gradual process if I remember correctly - a loss here, a helped win there, another loss, a real win, etc.) I do think it's important for them to learn how to lose a game. I can't ever remember reading this in any parenting book or magazine, so this is just my pure instinct talkin' here. But I can safely say that my boys both turned out okay (so far!) and are graceful losers AND winners - the graceful winning part is important too. Thanks Crabmom!