dinner for two
Who doesn't find dinnertime with small kids a tad trying? Actually, I don't. Because I don't eat with mine. And I've recently realized that what how we do it chez Crabfamily is a little unusual: most of my breeder friends eat with their kids.
Call me Victorian but, while I adore my child and find her fascinating and delightful much of the time, I have no desire to eat dinner with her. And nor does her doting father. Call us intolerant, selfish, old-fashioned, but we just find dinner with tots, well, unappetizing.
But it's more than that. Our parents-only nighttime noshing started way back, long before Crabtot could sit up and eat solids. Back when she was a colicky infant, my husband suggested we attempt to maintain some grownups' time in our newly topsy-turvy world by eating dinner by ourselves. At a laid table. With wine glasses. Like grownups. This took some doing. Sometimes we ate very late. But once we made the decision we no longer had to wrestle with passing a fussy baby back and forth between us while we tried to shovel food down our respective gullets.
Part of the reason this ritual has made sense for us has to do with Crabhubby's schedule. He isn't home in time for Crabtot's 6:30 dinner. And actually it is he who makes dinner at least half of the week, so by the time it's on the table Crabtot is in bed. But even if we could eat as a family every night...the truth is we wouldn't want to. Not yet, at least. I know this because we eat dinner together on weekends sometimes, and when I have to get up from the table for the seventh time—in search of a moist cloth or to hurriedly rinse another fistful of cherry tomatoes—I look forward to the weekdays ahead, when I can park my butt in a chair for the duration of dinner, eat some seriously spicy food if I wish, and not have to reprimand anyone about using fingers as forks.
Yeah yeah, our system has its drawbacks. How is Crabtot ever to learn proper table manners and evolve her palate if she doesn't eat with her elders? (And how are we, her elders, going to brush up our slack table manners if not by setting an example?) Plus, yes, there's the hassle of making a separate supper for the little one. It's a drag.
But there's still something to be said for that table set for two. The unfiltered, uninterrupted, civilized, grownup conversation. A tiny bit of sanity in an otherwise nutty day. I'm not saying it's always scintillating convo at our house or that there's anything romantic about these dinners, but there's something swell about eating with someone who doesn't fire off skeptical questions about the "little black dots" on the lambchops. Like all good things, our grownups' dinner won't last, and that's as it should be. But for now, we're sticking with dinner for two, and I say "chin-chin."
What about you, parents of small fry? Do you eat with your kids? If so, when did you start?
Little Bibu has dinner and lunch by himself during the week. On week-ends we do have lunch together, and we go often to the restaurant, which can be exhausting but is fun too. Lunches alone with me are actually the time I teaches him table manners (kind of).
Dinner in France is set up at 8:pm, even later. Far too late for a toddler or a young child. In my family you were not allowed to join the grown up table before 6th grade. I think I will wait until his conversation is interesting enough...
Stupid me, we already have interesting conversations!
Maybe I will just wait that he is able to read his bedtime stories all by himself so it won't be a problem if he dismisses table before everybody.
Am I too old fashioned?
del4yo, your way sounds spot-on to me. old fashioned, maybe. civilized, definitely.
I am from Brazil where families spend time together preparing and enjoying a meal. There's something very bonding on sharing a meal with those you love. Some of the fondest memories from childhood took place around the kitchen table. Only recently I've found out about the researches on the importance of families eating together. Preschoolers have a larger vocabulary, children do better at school, teenagers are more likely to stay out of drugs and even the elderly who choose to eat in the cafeteria instead of taking their meals in the bedroom are healthier and live longer.
I do eat with my children since they are old enough to sit up on the high chair. Yes, it's messy! In fact, I started a bib business (www.onebigcoolbib.com) to try to minimize the problem. Still, I believe eating with my two toddlers is a rewarding experience for all of us.
I agree eating with a toddler can be visually disgusting at times and I hate how much food my son wastes. That said, I believe in eating with my 2.5 yr old son. I have always eaten lunch with him and when he turned 2, my husband and I decided he needed to learn to eat with us and not get a separate meal. Since he is picky, he may only eat a piece of bread or some fruit but he needs to learn to sit with us and not be too disruptive.
Like a previous poster mentioned, eating family meals appears to be healthier for kids and has been linked to academic success. I am hoping my son outgrows his picky eater stage and eventually will be able to contribute to the conversation.