million dollar mommy?
I was considering giving you moms one of my advice parodies today, in which I make fun of the incredibly stupid things experts tell us in the name of good parenting advice. Then I thought maybe I'd make you giggle even more if I offer you another of my sensational Million Dollar Mommy inventions: these being gadgets I myself have invented in the hopes of making myself into a wealthy mompreneur like Baby Einstein Mommy or that chick who invented California Baby shampoo. (Both of those ladies can now pop off to Hawaii whenever they like, and probably don't have to do their own cooking, much less cleaning. All the more reason for me to put my otherwise scarily empty Mommy-mind to work and hope that my Baby Bjorn Clip-On Food Visor, WhineNot, or PelletTracker will attract the attention of a corporate backer...)
And then I saw something on the web that, like lame parenting advice and my own gadget designs, is incredibly silly. Except unlike my own offerings, I don't think this product is intended as a joke.
Ladies, who would honestly cough up dollars for The Portable Parenting Package? What is it? I'll let the company itself do the talking:
The Portable Parenting Package is a brand new product that is perfect for parents on the go. It combines the Take Out Time Out Mat and the Star Stash Reward System for an easy travel companion. The Time Out Mat serves as a "think spot" for children, teaching them to take a break and think before they act and also serves as a place for a toy until children agree to share it. The Star Stash reward system enforces good behavior with positive attention given and tokens exchanged for privileges and rewards.
So basically the Time Out Map is this little rubber circle thing that you're meant to stick in your purse and whip out when the kids are mauling each other at the mall, in order to create an instant TO space. Or maybe bro and sis are finally listening up on the car trip? Well, good thing you brought your handy portable Star Stash pack to give out as a reward. Otherwise, how could you parent properly?
Maybe it's just me who finds this absurd. After all, the product has won a bunch of awards, so I guess someone's taking it seriously. But, come on. $19.99 for this? Cheapmommy says you can do the same for free: Reward? Off the top of my head, lollipops are free at the bank, Trader Joe's gives out balloons gratis, and the Dollar Store sells 1000-sticker packs for, duh, a dollar. Time Out? Try a restroom, car seat, park bench, piece of gravel, wherever-the-heck. It's called improvising, which is something we moms know a thing or two about. And LAWD knows Crabmommy doesn't need yet another thing to carry around in her filthy overstuffed purse.
Seriously, if Portable Parenting Mats are cracking it, shouldn't my MartyrMeter be making me millions?
What do you think? Is the PPP smart or stupid?
Silly Crabmommy. How can we momfolk be trusted to discipline our children effectively without this brilliant invention? Placing your child on a public bench or a patch of grass to calm down? Why, that's positively barbaric!
My favorite part of the site is this gem of advice:
"When using TIME OUT, place Take-Out-Time-Out near you to monitor and ensure the child is thinking, therefore learning."
sugar that is priceless. It's fully worth $19.99 right there, just for that. People pay good money to laughter yoga gurus to get the chuckle I just had reading that sentence.
Whhhhhhat? The Martyr Meter beats this all to hell! You'd better be talking to your product pusher person. I think some people just like to spend money. No matter what the item is. Craziness.
!!Por FAVOR!! Just what we needed in the good ol' US of A: another socially acceptable method of disciplining OUR OWN child/ren. Careful taking parenting into your own hands WITHOUT the TO mat in public. You may be inviting strangers (even those w/o children) to tell you how it SHOULD be done. Just the sort of product/idea that makes everyone a parenting expert these days. !Madre MIA!