Fed up with the repeat appearance of a particularly loathsome vegetable on their school lunch trays, a group of Las Vegas second graders took the matter head on.

Guided by the gentle hand of their teacher (to be played by Sidney Poitier in the upcoming HBO special) they launched a polite letter writing campaign to air their collective revulsion at the culprit -- reheated frozen green beans:

"A little boy said, 'Anything, anything, I'll even eat broccoli,"' said Connie Duits, the lunch lady. "So that one touched my heart."

With touched heart, Mrs. Duits put together a veggie taste test to see what the kids preferred. But cost restrictions meant the only real choices were between canned and frozen green beans, corn, cooked or raw carrots and cooked or cold peas.

In other words, school lunches are just as disgusting as ever. Except for the raw carrots. That's new.

The kids then were asked to write what other foods they'd like to see. Requests ranged from "stake" and lobster, to "chocolate filled panda cookies." Nice try, kiddies.

Supposedly, the menu is now being "tweaked" to take into account the kids' preferences. But when these are the choices, is it any wonder that kids hate vegetables?

Kids take on lunch lady -- and win [CNN]

The lowly pig may finally be getting the respect it deserves, thanks to "Charlotte's Web," "Babe," "Olivia" and George Clooney. But its new-found stature here in the United States is nothing compared to the porcine adolation of adherents of the Chinese zodiac.

People born in the year of the pig are supposed to be generous, hard-working and loyal. Even better, golden piggies, which come around only once every 60 years, have the propensity to make piles of money. 2007 is such a year. The result: a bumper crop of babies in China and Vietnam.

So if you're expecting (or have already delivered) this year, congrats!

If you're not, too bad. Just kidding! All the signs are great! Check them out here (including a handy calculator).

Awaiting a Pig, But Is It Gold or Fire? [Time]
Chinese Zodiac

I was planning on taking a break from potty-related news, but I couldn't resist this item:

China city opens public toilet with more than 1,000 stalls, Egyptian theme, soothing music.

Chinese officials in the southwestern city that built the 4-story flushathon are spreading the news. They've got their application to the Guinness Book of World Records for world's dumbest tourist attraction at the ready. (Although they face stiff competition from the people of Collinsville, Ill.) As explained by one official with the Yangrenjie, or "Foreigners Street," tourist area where the bathroom is located:

We are spreading toilet culture. People can listen to gentle music and watch TV. After they use the bathroom they will be very, very happy.

I don't know about you, but I'm going. Because when you gotta go, you gotta go.

Chinese city opens public toilet with more than 1,000 stalls, Egyptian theme, soothing music [USA Today]

[YouTube via Babble]

I'll admit to a personal prejudice against men wearing cologne. It's just too Eurotrash-tastic for me. So when I saw this, I was raw-ther appalled:

Disney is rolling out Pirates of the Caribbean- and Buzz Lightyear-branded fragrances targeting boys ages 4-11 in Latin communities.

A four-year-old boy may be stinky, but he's supposed to be. Dousing him with cologne is  simply wrong. You might as well glob gel in his hair, unbutton his little shirt, slap a pair of cheesy sunglasses on him, ship him off to a nightclub in Milano, and be done with it.

Curious what Pirates perfume smells like. Greasy hair, body odor and fish come to mind. As for Buzz, well, the dude is plastic. Yeah, there's nothing like a whiff of polyethylene terephalate to drive the ladies wild.

Smells Like Profit: Disney Eyes Pre-Teen Fragrance Market [BrandWeek]
  

A weekly roundup of news in parentville, including the good, the bad, and the utterly trivial.

You will be pleased to know that I can surf the Internet safely once again, having read Deathly Hallows thru to the end. I don't know about you, but I have to admit that the  HP-Ron-Voldemort love triangle really did catch me by surprise. And what was up with the sex-change business? Weird.

This week's theme: bad habits, of which I have many.

Bad Habit #1: Eating. We now know that fat is contagious -- you catch it from your friends. As if fat kids don't have enough problems, now parents will force their kids to stay away from them for fear they'll get fat too.

Bad Habit #2: Drinking expensive bottled water. That comes straight from a tap. At least now PepsiCo has agreed to come clean, labeling Aquafina as coming from a "Public Water Source." Coca-Cola's Dasani also comes from a tap. But they add magnesium sulfate, potassium chloride and sodium chloride to make it extra yummy.

Bad Habit #3: Chewing gum. And letting my daughter chew it too (I'm trying to teach her to blow bubbles.) We have crossed Ireland off of our trip possibilities until we can get our familial gum chewing habit under control. Because they are not a gum-friendly country.

Bad Habit #4: Lousy grammar. You should just see my posts before my self-editor gets a hold a them! Like entire paragraphs have that annoying green underline! Why? Because I read Junie B. Jones to my kid. And bad grammar, like fat, is contagious.

Bad Habit #5: Smoking. Which I have taken up solely for Truth in Blogging purposes. All I can say is, thank god I grew up when there still was onscreen smoking, so I could learn proper smoking technique. Disney announced this week that it's banned all smoking from its film fare, which is a pure public relations move for which they deserve no credit, since none of their films show smoking anymore anyway.

Bad Habit #6: Catching infectious diseases from my kid. Now I know that echinacea is the cure. Or maybe not.

Bad Habit #7: Throwing sanitary napkins into the toilet. For which crime 170 Malaysian schoolgirls were forced to do pond squats. No, no, not the dreaded pond squat!!!

Bad Habit #8: Wasting time online. Like you're doing right now. Give a kid a book, and they'll read it, maybe. Give a kid a laptop, as the good folks at One Laptop Per Child did for a group of Nigerian schoolkids, and guess what happens?

Efforts to promote learning with laptops in a primary school in Abuja have gone awry as the pupils freely browse adult sites with explicit sexual materials.

We're shocked, shocked...

Present-less parties may be the "first hyper-parenting trend that does not reek of wanton excess."

Instead, guests are asked to donate money or stuff to the charity of the birthday kid's choice.

I likee! Not only does this teach philanthropy and altruism, but it gracefully does away with all the random plastic crap I am forced to hide from my daughter and regift or give to Goodwill. At her last birthday, I might as well have asked all the parents to save time shopping and just send their money straight to Disney.

Some observers diss gift-free parties, saying kids could end up hating charity because it did them out of birthday presents. Others say kids learn valuable lessons saying thanks for stuff they hate, and giving gifts they'd rather keep.

That's just silly. Parents can bestow plenty of loot on their own birthday kid. As for learning to say thank you for something you hate -- that's what relatives are for. And on teaching the joy of giving away something you really really want yourself: First, no matter how you slice it, there's no joy in that for a 4-year-old. Second, parents will always save the best stuff for their own kid. Or pay the price.

I am definitely doing this for my daughter's 5th birthday. Exceptions will be made for guests with exceptionally good taste.

Cake, but No Presents, Please [NY Times]

Activist group Breasts Not Bombs has a noble mission:

Empowering women to speak out for a world that remembers what is sacred and honors the mother.

They do this by carrying signs, shouting slogans and flashing their boobs. On Monday, they staged a surprise topless protest at Hillary's new San Francisco headquarters.

Bill Clinton wishes he'd been there. Well check out the pix. Maybe not.

I dunno. After viewing these pix, I'm just not feeling the power of the boobs. All I can think is, this is what happens when you burned all your bras back in 1969 and never looked back. Or down.

Topless Protest by Breasts Not Bombs and Code Pink at Hillary Clinton Campaign Launch Party [Zombietime.com]

Have you ever wondered what kind of meat they put in canned chili? Here's the answer, buried in a story about a recall of canned meat products made at a plant owned by Castleberry's Food Co. The recall

involves more than 80 types of stew, chili, hash and other products as well as pet food sold under a variety of brand names.

You can view this information in two different ways, depending on whether you're a half-full-glass or half-empty-glass kind of person. You can either feel good knowing your dog is getting the same high-quality meat product in Eatables for Dogs Irish Stew With Beef, Potatoes & Carrots as your kids are getting in their Hot Dog Chili Sauce With Beef. Or you can feel the other way. (Either way, throw the stuff out. Botulism. Bad.)

FDA says food recall is urgent health threat [Reuters]
Expanded Voluntary Product Recall Information [Castleberry's]

The simple act of putting babies to sleep on their backs has caused SIDS deaths to drop by more than 70 percent from the mid-80s to 2004.
 
Binkies also help prevent SIDS.

The rate of SIDS deaths is now about .57 in 1,000.

Of course, nothing comes without a price. The cost of back sleeping: the baby tonsure, or that cute little bald spot baby back sleepers all seem to get (if they have any hair to begin with). Even more ridiculous is Flat Head Syndrome, which affects around 33 out of 10,000 babies. To avoid this, you can put your kid in a helmet or headband or a gadget like the Baby Sleep Positioner (right).

Now that's a comfy looking contraption. Don't shoot, Mommy! I'll stay on my back -- I promise!

Looking to lose weight? Eat a diaper.

That's the idea behind a new diet pill being tested in Italy. It's made of a diaper material so absorbent one pill swells up to the size of a tennis ball in the tummy.

For about two hours, your exploded-diaper stomach has little room for more food. Italian researcher Alessandro Sannino, the first person to take the pill, says:

It's the same as you feel after a plate of spaghetti.

The pill should be on the market by May. In the meantime, there's always Alli, where diapers serve a whole 'nother purpose.

The fill pill [Ananova]

A new mom has won a court fight to get back her placenta from the hospital where she gave birth.

The mom, Susan Johnson, said she wanted to grind up her placenta and eat it as a way to fight postpartum depression.

The hospital said uh-uh. It considered the placenta to be contaminated biohazardous waste, like a brain tumor. This meant the only way it could leave the building was in one of those red boxes with the symbol for the artist formerly known as Prince stamped on the side (see right).

Ms. Johnson sued and won. Now that she's got her placenta back, she says she's changed her mind, and plans to bury it. But she has high hopes for the wider impact of her victory:

I hope this brings about a better awareness about the benefits of placenta.

Sounds nutty, but consider this: The placenta is chock full of progesterone with a little feel-good oxytocin thrown in, both of which are supposed to help the post-partum blues. Plus, all mammals 'cept humans do eat the "afterbirth." (Of course, many also lick their own butts.) There's even an official scientific term for the phenom: placentophagy.

Feeling adventurous? Here's a few recipes, including placenta lasagne, placenta pizza, and placenta stew. Recommended sides: fava beans and a nice chianti. 

Placenta returned to mother on judge's orders [MSNBC]

Smoking gets such a bad rap. It's blamed for lung cancer, breast cancer, emphysema, heart disease, yellow teeth, bad breath, low birth weight babies and overall poor breeding. Unless you're Winston Churchill or Rita Hayworth. Which you're not.

Now add one more to the list of what ails smokers: early menopause.

According to Norwegian researchers, smoking increases the risk of early menopause by 59 percent. For heavy smokers, the risk is nearly doubled. The good news: if you quit before age 35 or so, you may not be affected.

Being healthy is also supposed to help stave off early menopause (defined as age 44 and under). Other pluses: being married and educated and having "high social participation," whatever that means.

Smoking may bring on early menopause [Reuters]

The 1967 classic peace anthem "All You Need Is Love" is now being pimped to push disposable diapers.

The spot's tag line: "All you need is Luvs."

Beatles fans are outraged. But this isn't the first commercial assault on a sacred genre. A bastardized version of "Help" was used in a 1985 car commercial. The many appearances since then includes Julian Lennon's cover of "When I'm 64" for an Allstate spot and Target's current ads using "Hello Goodbye" (aka Goodbuy).

A spokeswoman for P&G, which makes Luvs, says the spot got two thumbs up from parents in focus groups.

Because, for parents, nothing is sacred. We see a baby -- any baby -- and our brain instantly switches from thinking mode to cute mode. Like this:

All you need is Luvs? Huh? Oh, wait, I get it! "Luvs" instead of "love." That's so cute! 

From anti-war classic to diaper ditty. It's a long and winding road.

Summer of Luvs? Beatles heard in diaper ads [MSNBC]

This story warms even my crabbed pupphobic heart.

One-year-old Booker West was splashing his hands in a birdbath in his grandparents' backyard in Colorado when a rattlesnake slithered up to the baby and rattled.

Booker didn't flinch. He's a baby. He likes rattles.

The snake struck. But he didn't get Booker. Because Zoey the 5-pound Chihuahua jumped in the way and took the bullet. Grandma says:

These little bitty dogs, they just don't really get credit.

For a time it was touch and go for the furball. But she's all better now. Go Zoey Go!

Chihuahua saves boy from rattlesnake [MSNBC]

A weekly roundup of news in parentville, including the good, the bad, and the utterly trivial.

First, a confession: My usually exhaustive Internet researchathon has been sharply curtailed due to fear that I will inadvertently come across something that reveals the ending of Harry Potter.

So I've limited my surfing to stories about our surrogate children, figuring that would be safe. (It was.) First stop: cuteoverload.com. It features lots of keeyootee-pie furballs and posts written in an oddly endearing dialect, like the author is channeling a kitten, or perhaps is a kitten:

Yep, I'm pretty moishe gonna keel you in your sleep.
IIIIIIIIIIIIIII've pretty moishe had eet. Have you tasted that dry food you feed moi? Abominable!

Looking for further proof that many people think their pets are not just adequate but superior subs for human children? Check out this website devoted exclusively to pet strollers. Featuring strollers (and there are many of them to choose from) bought by high-wattage celebrity pet lovers like Tori Spelling, "My Name Is Earl" and others! If your furball is too small for the stroller, there's always the Baby Bjorn (see pic, left).

Just like babies, some animals resist potty training. What to do? One poop-besieged town in Africa thought it had the perfect solution when it passed a law mandating that any donkey who walked its streets must wear a diaper. But as one owner points out, just like babies, donkeys are not always cooperative when they need to be changed:

The problem is that the donkey can give you a fatal kick. I was once kicked by a donkey and it broke my leg.

Perhaps that was also the problem faced by a California couple who was keeping an (apparently diaperless) miniature horse in their kitchen and dining room until they were busted for child endangerment. Most 10-year-olds I know would love to to sleep in a tent in the bedroom like the "endangered" kid in question, but could probably do without all the doo-doo and flies.

Pets, like kids, tend to put things in their mouth that don't belong there. Like $750 in cash. Fortunately, the family was able to retrieve $647 of it from ... well, if Pepper the money hungry dog had been wearing a diaper, it would have been in there.

The thing about kids -- they grow up and move out. Pets don't do either. That's both good and bad. But should its care & feeding become too much for you, you now have the option of sending your pooch to the Soladi Care Home for Pets, Japan's first nursing home for dogs. For $800/month, you get round-the-clock monitoring by vets and a team of puppies to help the furry old farts feel younger.

This hardworking pooch certainly deserves to live in pampered splendor when she retires. The dog, named Hello, sells betel nuts, or pinang, in her owner's store in Taiwan:

She knows how to open the fridge, pick up the pinang, and put it on the counter, then collect the money from the customers. Many people just come to be served by her.

Hello also goes shopping by herself. She carries a plastic bag, containing money and a shopping list, in her mouth. If there is a queue she waits in line and, when it is her turn to be served, puts her front legs on the counter and drops the bag in front of the shopkeeper.

Smart dog. Smarter than this German woman, who alerted the cops when she spotted what she thought was a masked criminal through the window of a parked van. Police surrounded the van and rushed it, only to find a large toy beaver strapped into the front passenger seat.

Signing off now. See you in line at Barnes & Nobles!

So I'm babysitting these four brats and my boyfriend texts me to tell me that it's over coz he's hooked up with Katelyn, my ex-BFF, so I am soooooo mad I can't even see but then I get this awesome idea to get back at the a**hole and Katelyn and I text my friend James to meet me with his camera and he shows up and I tell the brats to stay put I'll just be a sec and I'll get them all Happy Meals when I get back. So then James and I go into the woods and I take off all my clothes and James is snapping away and I am HOT like Paris Hilton washing that car. The a**hole is so going to regret it when he gets these, especially because he's going to know James took them and he's like so freakin' jealous of James, who is way better looking but still just a friend but the a**hole doesn't need to know that. But then the cops showed up 'coz the brats tattled on me and now I'm sitting here in this holding cell surrounded by totally scummy people with no teeth and smelling like pee and who keep asking me for a butt but I'm not giving them any coz I have only 3 left. But even if I have to go to jail like Paris did and I lose my babysitting job the look on the a**hole's face when he get the pix makes it so totally worth it.

Woman leaves kids to pose nude in woods [AP]

I love the "What to Expect" series. But since my kid turned 4, I've been at a loss without a WTE book to guide me.  So when I came across  What to Expect: Your Baby's First 75 Years, in Esquire Magazine, I was pretty excited. And yes, it is quite useful. For instance, discussing the sleep patterns of your baby at 20:

Your baby will probably move from his crib to an intermediate sleeping arrangement such as a "futon." His normal bedtime may shift to 2:00 A.M., and he may need his "security bong" to finally go down for the night.

The article offers advice right on through to 75, when your baby will begin babbling again, sprouting hair from all sorts of interesting places, and mastering new grasping abilities, like counting change in the supermarket with 14 people in line behind him.

Anyway, for moms-to-be, baby moms and toddler moms, definitely tap into the What to Expect series, if you haven't already. Measured against their standards, I felt as if my normal pregnancy, birth and child were way way WAY above average. Here's what they teach you:

WTE When You're Expecting: It's basically a miracle if you have a totally normal pregnancy and birth experience, considering the 7 million things that can go terribly terribly wrong.

WTE in the First Year: Your kid is definitely a genius. In retrospect, the book's month-by-month milestones are set so low a pet rock could meet them. But you don't know that at the time, so you feel pretty darn great that your baby babbled nonsense at six months old since you really shouldn't expect that to happen until about six years old and some kids never babble even as adults and that's all perfectly normal.

WTE the Toddler Years: So your 2-year-old is tantrumy, stubborn, clumsy, picky, bossy, selfish and plain all-around disagreeable? Consider yourself lucky. It could be so much worse.

What to Expect: The First 75 Years [Esquire]

I came across this news tidbit the other day: Parents today don't know any nursery rhymes. Instead, they lull their little 'uns to sleep with pop tunes.

That's too bad, because nursery rhymes are so freakin' subversive. Let's take a look.

Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater: One of my faves, 'cause it's about sex. Origin: Colonial America, where "pumpkin" was slang for a woman's "stuff." Kinda cute, until your 3-year-old starts yelling about pumpkin eaters, and having read this post, you suddenly know what they're talking about. Oh and "pumpkin shell" apparently refers to chastity belts. Yeesh.

Mary Mary Quite Contrary:  At first reading, a sweet little ditty about a sweet little girl frolicking amongst flowers. But dig deeper and it's all about intolerance, torture and murder.

The Mary alluded to in this traditional English nursery rhyme is reputed to be Mary Tudor, or Bloody Mary, who was the daughter of King Henry VIII. Queen Mary was a staunch Catholic and the garden referred to is an allusion to graveyards which were increasing in size with those who dared to continue to adhere to the Protestant faith -- Protestant martyrs.

In keeping with the theme, the silver bells and cockle shells were slang for instruments of torture, and the pretty maids referred to the maiden, which was a Scottish beta version of the guillotine.

And you thought "Oz" was kid-inappropriate!

Baa Baa Black Sheep: 13th century rhyme relating to the king's tax on wool. 1/3 to master (lord); 1/3 to dame (church); 1/3 to little boy (farmer). Here's something fun I came across: In the name of political correctness, toddlers in Oxfordshire, England, are being taught to sing

"Baa baa, rainbow sheep."

So it doesn't have that same alliterative ring. And ignores the actual meaning of the rhyme. Nobody can find fault with a rainbow!

Jack and Jill: Purported to be King Louis XIV of France, who was beheaded (lost his crown) followed by Queen Marie "let them eat cake" Antoinette (whose head "came tumbling after"). Nice!

Humpty Dumpty: Referred to a large cannon used during a siege in the English civil war in the 17th century. A shot from a Parliamentary cannon destroyed the wall holding up Humpty Dumpty, which fell to the ground and smashed into a million, unfixable pieces. The end.

OOOOO. I just love nursery rhymes. Sing for me, Barney!

The next time your kid complains about going to school, say this: "It could be worse. You could go to school in a graveyard."

For the first couple of years, says one parent, everything was peachy for the kids at a school located in a cemetery in Bihar, a state in eastern India.

They used to play and study together and finish their lunch boxes while sitting on top of concrete graves.

But in recent months, the already crowded "living" conditions became worse when the 100-plus tombs were joined by "dozens of fresh graves -- most of them shallow." As one ghost, who gave his name as Rajesh, explained to First Feeding in an exclusive interview:

 It's like a freakin' Grateful Dead concert in here. Apparently, the words "Rest in Peace" mean nothing to these kids. 

The ghosts decided somebody had to go. Since for understandable reasons, it couldn't be them, they opted for the schoolkids. Their strategy is working:

"I have stopped going to school after many dead people walked out of their graves and came into my dreams, ordering me to reach school on time," said six-year-old Raqib Ansari.

Because if there's anything worse than a ghost, it's a nagging ghost ...

Kids at graveyard school face nightmares [Reuters]

Swiss researchers are tinkering with a confidence boosting nasal spray that harnesses the power of the feel-good hormone oxytocin.

Oxytocin is produced naturally in three circumstances:

1. people in love
2. to kick off labor
3. during breastfeeding

Which explains a lot. That mom you know who is still breastfeeding her six-year-old?  Oxytocin addict. 

Anyway, researchers found that when a synthetic version was snorted 1/2 hour before a social situation, oxytocin "dramatically" changed the snorters' behavior.

All study participants had stopped feeling anxious, and started to engage better with others in the group.

If a larger upcoming trial is successful, the drug could hit the market in the next five years. In the meantime, you could always ward off a fit of shyness by making use of your girls, Maggie Gyllenhaal-style.

A nasal spray to shed your shyness [Times of India]

Toddlers can't resist the lure of the vending machine. Sometimes, when mommy is too slow with the quarter, they are forced to take matters into their own pudgy hands. This past Thursday, one such enterprising 2-year-old girl did just that, climbing through the one-way door at the bottom of a "Toy Soldier" vending machine -- where the goodies are dispensed -- to get at the stuffies inside. Such a clever little girl! But not clever enough to get out once she got in.

This happens all the time. Well, at least three times in the past two years, which makes it a virtual epidemic if you are a journalist or consumer safety advocate. In 2005, it was a 3-year-old Indianapolis boy:

Danielle had taken James to a supermarket at 3:30 a.m. when he couldn't sleep. He pestered her for a cuddly toy from the machine and when she said no, he threw his drink on the floor to distract her, and then sneaked into the machine itself. "Within two seconds he had climbed through the hole, into the chute and pushed the door shut so we couldn't get him out," she said.

Any parent could tell you this kid is a huge brat. The time it took for firemen to get James out was probably the longest stretch of peace and quiet Danielle has had since she gave birth. You can't blame her for taking a few pix to commemorate the occasion.

Last year, another 3-year-old boy figured the direct approach was best after fishing for, and failing to get, a SpongeBob toy in the conventional, manufacturer-approved manner. This kid, unlike the others, managed to get himself freed with a screwdriver. Could we be looking at the next David Blaine?

I will keep you apprised of any further developments on this important parenting news front.

"Monopoly" is sooooo 19th century robber baron.

Nowadays, kids can go to camp to learn all about the goodness of greed. The MoneyCamp in Santa Barbara, California, teaches kids financial literacy -- making a budget, understanding interest rates and saving for retirement. Kids visit banks, role play with fake money and listen to rags-to-riches success stories from self-made bazillionaires. The camp's founder, Elizabeth Donati, claims it's attended by all manner of children:

We get everything, we get poor kids and rich kids.

All having the time of their lives, no doubt. Surf camp, smurf camp. I'm going to money camp!

Anyway, I think it's a great idea. Why bother to earn a living when you can get your kids to do it for you?

In debt-plagued US, summer camps teach kids thrift [Yahoo! News]

A weekly roundup of news in parentville, including the good, the bad, and the utterly trivial.

What do you do when a masked gunman bursts into your backyard dinner party, puts a gun to the head of a 14-year-old girl, and says, "Give me your money, or I'll start shooting"?

If you're Cristina "Cha Cha" Rowan, you offer him a glass of wine. Not the cheap good-enough-for-a-gunman gut rot, but a nice French burgundy. Her thoughtfulness paid off:

The intruder took a sip of their Chateau Malescot St-Exupery and said, "Damn, that's good wine."

He then pulled down his hood, sat down, had a bite of Camembert cheese and some more wine, and decided that he had come to the wrong house, for robbery purposes, anyway. Then, at the robber's request, everyone had a big group hug and he went on his way.

Everyone was stunned but relieved. But they all died the next day anyway, of food poisoning from the salmon mousse.

Even without masked gunmen and salmon mousse to contend with, many people -- kids included -- eat at their own risk. The percentage of people with food allergies has doubled in the last 15 years. Among kids younger than two, 8 percent have diagnosed food allergies. Why the increase? Nobody knows. But a group of British scientists say they've fingered the culprit behind food allergies: a molecule called interleukin-12. The molecule, which normally keeps immune responses under control, is AWOL during an allergic reaction.

When kids aren't keeling over from allergic reactions to food, they're getting fat from the stuff. What to do? Let's turn to the experts, in this case an American Medical Association committee of highly paid, highly regarded experts, who after months of review and study, suggested that doctors

ought to quit using fuzzy terms to define children's weight problems and instead refer to truly fat kids as overweight or obese.

The committee also produced a list of terms to avoid, including: well-fed, chunk-a-monk, salad dodger, J-Lo (rear view only), and double-wide (same). In their place, it recommended "fatty fat fat."

Across the pond, fat is the new tobacco. A group of U.K. researchers is proposing a tax on fatty foods. That's what happens when your country is run by Super Nannies.

The easiest way to cut collective calories is, unfortunately, the most work for moms: eating in. Kids, on average, eat twice as many calories when they eat out. But for most working moms, the home-cooked meal is an elusive concept. That doesn't mean we wouldn't want to if we had the time: According to a new study, 60% of working moms would rather be part-time, so we could feed our flock properly and all that. That's up 12% from a decade ago. But just 24% of us -- about one in four -- actually hold part-time jobs.

Some women, of course, do it all anyway. New York Times reporter Leslie Kaufman reveals her strategy on keeping her flock fed for the past decade. She's got some great advice,  which I will definitely follow if the grocery store ever runs out of Product 19 and peanut butter.

We interrupt our regular broadcast of parenting-related news to bring you this breaking news item, reported by our unwitting local correspondent, Steve Levin:

Alex Habay was in his Ford Taurus, stopped at a traffic light in downtown Meadville, Crawford County, yesterday morning, thinking about nothing, idly listening to a radio commercial while on his way to his summer job at the YMCA.

That's when a 1,500-pound wrecking ball smashed into the rear of his car.

"I was in complete bewilderment," said Mr. Habay, 20, of Hampton, a junior at Allegheny College. "At first I thought it was a car, but when I turned around there was no car.

"I was confused."

Read the rest here. Because it gets better. Much better.

Meadville mishap defines wrecking ball [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette]

Once again, it's time for my Educator of the Week Month Award!

Contender 1: Two sixth-grade teachers at an Indianapolis middle school, for presenting little Matt Porter with the awards "Sir Clowns-a-Lot" and "Most Likely Not To Have Children" (Why? Because he's gay? Or because he's a big fat cootie-infested geek? Either way, not funny.) Matt had this to say about the humiliating incident:

They (were) putting us down and everything. That is not what their job is for, to put kids down. They are supposed to teach us.

To which the teachers responded:

Geez, what a wuss.

Contender 2: A middle school in suburban Houston for suspending a sixth-grader for four months for writing "I love Alex" on a school gymnasium wall in a baby blue magic marker.

A school panel apparently headed by a rival for Alex's affection ruled the 12-year-olds' "graffiti" to be a Level 4 infraction -- the same as for terrorist threats, drug possession and assault, and topped only by murder, gun possession, sexual assault and arson. They shipped the girl off to reform school with the rest of the hardened criminals. That'll teach her. 

Contender 3: A Catholic school in Melbourne for refusing to enroll a 5-year-old whose last name is Hell.

Father Hell, who said his last name meant light or bright in German, had this to say about the rejection:

So what if I've got a name like Hell? That's my family history and my name.

The Hells were seeking to transfer their son from a state school, where he was being bullied over his name. Apparently they felt Catholic school would provide a more accepting and open-minded atmosphere. For a kid named Hell. Smart thinking -- about as smart as inflicting your kid with a name like Hell to begin with.

I'm sure there's many more educators out there making a mark on our little uns' hearts and minds. Send in your fave contenders via comment below....

Call it Biking Einstein. Fisher-Price is counting on mom guilt over their mini-couch potatoes, coupled with the promise of teaching your kids so you don't have to, to make its exercise bike for toddlers this year's must-have toy. The Smart Cycle should hit the shelves sometime this summer.

The genius behind the Smart Cycle (Fisher Price hopes), is that it plugs into every 3-year-old's favorite toy -- the TV. As kids pedal,

favorite character friends guide them through learning discoveries, games, and even exciting races. Bring the arcade experience home, with multiple levels of play for different ages and stages!

Of course, there's also the unspoken appeal to parents: at lea