editors' tips: adjusting to the new baby / part 3
Even though I had made big strides in helping my two-year-old, Alex, adjust to his newborn brother, Ben (see here and here), I still felt like I had a long way to go. For several weeks after we'd brought Ben home, I was constantly telling Alex to "be nice," "be gentle," and "be careful" around the baby. I felt like this shaming cross between a broken record and a watchdog, and it only made Alex feel angrier and more jealous of Ben.
I decided to shift gears in my approach. Instead of instructing just Alex on how to act around the baby, I started to "direct" the baby on how to behave around Alex. I'd say things like "Ben, please don't cry so loudly. Alex and I are trying to read a story." Or sometimes, I'd go with "Ben, you be nice to Alex, too. Please be nice to each other." These days I say things like, "Ben, I am going to put you down for your nap now so I can play with Alex for a whole hour and you won't interrupt us!" It's worked beautifully for everyone: Alex feels special; Ben gets attention (even though he has no idea what I'm saying); and I feel better all around-less nervous about the baby getting hurt, less guilty about Alex's rattled state, and more present as a parent juggling these two little boys:
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