This Thing I Do: Cookiemag.com

I don't have kids and, therefore, am able to spend too many Saturdays watching a backlog of horrible (yet highly entertaining) reality television that my TiVo has saved for me. I realize that my hours clocked in front of the tube aren't really worth boasting about. But, it does allow me to pick apart the trashy-yet-enjoyable shows from the rot-your-brain ones. If you're looking for something to watch during one for those fleeting moments to yourself, I'm here to break it down.

To See Real Competition
Top Chef
(Bravo, Wednesdays at 10 p.m. EST)
You'll be annoyed by host Padma Lakshmi's shiny hair and clothes and dull personality, but there's something extremely satisfying about watching super food talents dice vegetables while you critique dishes from your couch that you can't taste and could never even attempt to make yourself. This season -- set in Chicago -- is just seven episodes in, and there's a marathon practically once a week, so it's not too late to get hooked. So far there have been lots of delicious meltdowns--thanks to all of the "team" challenges. Keep an eye on Dale, Antonia, and Richard.

To Feel Better About Your Own Life
The Real Housewives of New York City
(Bravo,Season 1 marathon starts Saturday May 3 at 12 p.m. EST)
Ok, I was going to try to keep myself from being sucked into this sequel to the Real Housewives of Orange County because I'm pretty sure it took my IQ down a notch or two. But this season was actually...well...kind of good. There's ex-model LuAnn who regularly leaves the nanny to mother her kids while she gets drunk in the Village (because it's her right, you see), super insecure Alex with a potentially gay husband who hopes her money will get her friends, brassy Jill who has no problem sending her pubescent daughter to "detox" on Martha's Vinyard to lose weight, dippy Ramona who can't do anything right, and chef Bethanny who has a job and isn't married but is for some reason still on the show. They all seem to hate each other but air kisses abound. It's fantastic. And I just learned that Real Housewives of New Jersey is next. Hmmm...

To Keep Up With the Kids
American Idol
(Fox, Tuesdays at 8 p.m. EST and Wednesdays at 9 p.m. EST)
Yes, Simon Cowell is still at it, but we're finally down to the Top 4. You have cutey David Archuleta, actress wannabe Syesha Mercado, dreadlocked Jason Castro, and better-than-Daughtry David Cook. Ryan Seacrest is still kind of a tool, and Paula Abdul is getting worse with age, but if your TiVo allows you to fast-forward through all the nonsense (they've added live viewer questions this season...ugh) and the Ford, Coca Cola, and AT&T plugs, there are a few minutes of actual entertainment in there. You know, when they sing.

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