Brace yourself for a tale of woe: I haven't been sleeping well. And it's not because of the freeloading roommate in the crib in the next room—she's out like a light all night, God bless her little diapered soul. Nope, it's just my mental to-do list, which has exploded since I became a Way-Older First-Time Mom. Once my fur-covered alarm clocks go off, circa 3 a.m. (that would be Thunder and Lightning, my cats, demanding the first of their two breakfasts), falling back asleep is a nonstarter.
It sounds counterintuitive, but I decided to challenge one type of deprivation—REM cycles—with another: caffeine. While it pains me, I've been cutting back on my morning joe for a spell, at least until I'm back on track, snooze-wise. To make the process less harrowing, I've been taking baby steps, with a new brew I've christened "foffee." Half-caf and half a concoction called Teeccino, it's essentially fake coffee. And as I gradually add less of the real stuff and more of the roasted-barley impostor, I was hoping to give myself a leg up between the sheets.
(According to the Teeccino website, sounder sleep is the least of what I'll achieve; apparently caffeine is the devil's spawn, with a hand in all manner of maladies, from obsessive-compulsive disorder to chubby thighs. Sheesh.)
My plan worked immediately, rewarding me with one of the dreamiest stretches in eons. But since I'm skeptical that this foffee thing is viable long-term, I keep digging. After I tell my sob story to one of my favorite people in the beauty biz, megaderm, Howard Murad, he proceeds to pull a vial of top-secret liquid out of his briefcase. Marked "Inner Calm Essential Oil Blend," it's a key component of a range of skin care he's developing. Placing a drop in a little silver burner, he asks me to take a whiff of the fresh yet heady mash-up of orange, eucalyptus, fir needle, and sandalwood. Yum. And better yet, aaaah. Sensing what a mess I am, he leaves me with the whole kit and caboodle: oil, burner, even a teensy candle. Although I'm leery of open flames in my paper-stuffed office, I light up anyway. Perhaps it's all the heavy breathing that goes along with, but I swear the inhalation helps.
Next, I seek the wisdom of another white-haired chap, Andrew Weil. But rather than try to track him down (not easy, given that he lives in a yurt in the desert for much of the year), I channel the good doctor through one of his CDs, Meditation for Optimum Health. Recorded with his colleague, Jon Kabat-Zinn, Ph.D., the two-disc set contains so much helpful information that, on first listen, I feel as if my head is about to crack open. Thoreau and Joyce citations, terms like "parasympathetic nervous system," and tons of practical tips for slipping into a meditative state—there's much to digest.
Of course, I know I won't become an insta-meditator; it could take months before I'm able to eke out even 10 minutes of "mindfulness." But along with the foffee and the oil-burning, it's part of my master plan to hop off the inner hamster wheel and get some rest.
Night-night.
